That's a hard question otw. I have been GAL a lot just to get away and burning myself out. Started slowing down this week, and to be honest, I don't think H even notices. He is truly in his own world. I guess just keep reminding yourself that she is just a room mate or neighbor and hold no expectations. Sometimes when I feel like I am going to "mess up" I think about how it will sound when I post it here and I want to sound strong, so I choose the option that I will make me feel proud to post. Its like playing a mind game with myself but it works.
I get what you are saying but sometimes it seems everyone on here wants us to act a certain way regardless of what we see or experience. Never show a moment of weakness and follow the rules to the fullest. I have read many different reconciliation stories and none are the same. Some act as best friends others go completely dark. I know everyone here actually wants the best for each other, not as much as for ourselves but I sometimes feel I am trying to show my wife something and the people here. I hope no one takes this the wrong way because it is very helpful getting others thoughts and experiences. I wouldn't trade anything I have heard or learned here either. Feel like I rambling because we all would love a real solid solution and a fix. But we know the truth.
I feel exactly the same way. I think the bottom line is that you have to do what is working. If what you are getting results doing it "your" way, go for it. I have strayed many times from the DB strategy. And what I am noticing more and more, is that I do best when I stick to it. Although I have not yet done it 100%, I will get close and then realize I am not really detached, or I realize I am pursuing. And for me, nothing really works, I am in the same position I was in marriage-wise 7 months ago, but I feel better about myself when I DB.
