Achi - Again, sorry you are going through this. I DO think you need to seriously consider, is this person showing you the CHARACTER that you would want in a lifelong mate and mother of your future children?
Let's face it, people can slip and fall, but someone who is of basically good character will feel remorse and do what is needed to repair the marriage. So far, she is NOT doing that.
Personally, I would ask her to move out. I know that seems harsh and counter-intuitive, but in some situations, they need to be awoken from fantasy world and dumped into reality. I think she's actually MORE likely to turn around IF she has to face rock bottom. Right now she is still having her fantasy romance without having to pick up the OMs dirty socks or listen to him snore.
As to her complaints about you - remember to OWN what YOU feel is true, but let go of the rest. They make up some pretty crazy stuff to justify their behavior. Heck, for all you know, the lack of intimacy came about because she was already carrying on an affair with this guy or some other! And maybe you weren't in a rush to get married because on some primitive level of your brain alarm bells were going off that she might not be the best choice.
Anyway - I guess my point is, if I were you, I would NOT tolerate disrespect, and I would NOT sit around waiting for her to decide. I would tell her "It's obvious you haven't decided to give this marriage your all so I would like you to move out this weekend" (Or, if it's better for you, "I will be moving out this weekend"). Protect yourself financially however you need to (perhaps consult an attorney beforehand to make sure you do everything on the up and up). Then just commit to radio silence for a while and focus on working on yourself to be the best YOU can be. Drop the rope on the relationship and get a little distance. Her behavior may help you decide what is best, or she may come back to you begging in which case you can set very clear expectations and see if she rises to the occasion.
But right now, I guarantee you she doesn't respect you. Being a doormat is never a good option.
