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Originally Posted By: Ghost56
Originally Posted By: Azzork
Originally Posted By: Ghost56
She told me today that the reason we split was she had changed had become a very different person does love me but just not in the way I want her to love me


1) Why in the heck are you having a conversation in which this would be discussed?

2) Why in the heck are you believing what she is saying?


Azzork the conversation just came about I do not know what to believe so will chose to believe nothing that comes out her mouth ...I guess I am still screwing u

I have to start moving forwards


The conversation just....magically.....came about? Sorry, but Im skeptical. There is NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. to be gaqined by having this conversation. It causes you pain AND it causes HER to cause you pain, which only makes her upset with YOU for putting her in that position. Im sure she didnt just walk up to you and say this...

As for the words, who KNOWS why shes actually doing this. Maybe even SHE doesnt know. So rehashing and beating yourself up over things shes saying just arent useful.

Its not about not screwing up. We all screw up sometimes. It's about learning and doing.

Im really glad that you joined a class - dance, cooking, tae kwon do, whatever. Just gad youre getting out and doing something new. Now go and be friendly and confident, even if you have seven left feet.

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Ghost, I really like reading your posts because it reminds me of what not to do. Because I am tempted every day to have R talks, do nice things for my H, etc. Every day is a struggle, and when I see your posts it reminds me exactly of why not to do these things. And I mean this in the kindest of ways. You are doing better Ghost, it is very slow coming, but you are inching your way forward. I am looking forward to the day you make a giant leap forward.

I know you can do it Ghost!



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Ghost. My W wants to be friends, even though she filed for D. It is not healthy for us. We will be used when convenient, and disregarded other times. Believe me, I have seen both sides of this just in the last 2 days. Pull back, detach and protect yourself.

It's the only option we have other than follow them around like a puppy and hope they throw us an occasional scrap.

Now, to follow my own advice!


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G,

for the love of the almighty. Get your ass in gear. Have you seen a lawyer yet?

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Quote:

More important is my family. I'd rather we lived in a modest house, together, than be in a big house, apart.

What a brilliant quote. + 10 Huddy.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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Hi G,

After the last posts I think you should rename the topic to Ghost Bashing Working You Over....

But seriously G, after all the advice given and your latest actions and comments I still cannot see any improvement from the first post. My real question is what do you expect to get out of here with the continuous posts about the same things over and over again?

Your new comments now are that you are scared of being alone. I get that, I think that most do as we have been there too. What do you plan on doing about it?

Another of your comments about the physical appearance. Ok, so you look like Danny devito, big deal. You mentioned you will be going to a gim or did so and then stopped. You think your wife will leave you because you are overweight and bald? Maybe.. but what are you going to do about it?

I am overweight, have less hair than I would like, and not really a brad pitt look alike. I got off my butt, started working out 5 days a week for 2 hours, improved my diet and bought stuff from a nutrition shop, changed my hair, changed my wardrobe (not necessarily buying a truck load of clothes, just not throwing on the first thing i laid my hands on), wear cologne everyday when I go out and began listening to modern day music which I also enjoy in the gim. Result is I am now a more confident and healthier person inside and out. Staying at home doesnt help, believe me been there done that. Going to the gim wont get your W back. It will get you back. BTW if you do go, dont be like those guys you see walking around with mismatched clothes and brown socks up to their calves and with little to no effort. Think rocky and eye of the tiger. You will really feel better. The trade off is that you also get to admire the ornithology to take your mind off things.

You handed over to her so much power and control you really are in the s**t.

Here we talk about GAL & Detach, etc. I noticed I started making progress when i started to live. Enjoy life with all my faults and imperfections. Accept who I am. How can I expect my W to accept me or respect me if I dont accept or respect myself? We are not Calvin Klein models but we are who we are and each have something unique to offer to make our partner happy. And whether it be the same partner or a new one, wear it with pride.

TBH I really am running out of things to say.

Dont defend your lack of action with validations, dont hide behind insecurities. At this minute with your present attitude what do you have new to offer to your W to make her change her mind? Since BD what have you been working on and developing that you can bring to the table? Hopes and dreams? promises you will change? She has already had that and she quit.

This is where i go back to an earlier post, I get the impression you dont want it bad enough. You want the easy way out. You have not one piece of something new to offer but want her to come back. Why should she? Would you?

I think i can understand your W and dont think it was the chores or kids, I think it was she needed someone to stand beside her not behind her. Someone to take over when she faltered. Maybe when she was sad she also had to be the shoulder to cry on. When she fell and looked up maybe she expected to see her saviour with the arm stretched out to pick her up. Maybe she just needed a man, her husband but had to end up being both.

Its a guess and Ill probably get b**ch slapped by the members but if I am right, what she is seeing now is the same guy who if she gives a chance will continue with his old ways because in all honesty G i have not seen from you any new ways from which to fall back from. Also, if wanting out is not motivation enough for you to change, what is?


G, I said it before.... stop posting and talking. Start doing.

Actions really do speak louder than words.

peace bro and dont hate me I have nothing but love for you.


M: 50
S: 25

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Originally Posted By: Maximus
Hi G,

After the last posts I think you should rename the topic to Ghost Bashing Working You Over....perhaps does feel like people have reached the end of their tether

But seriously G, after all the advice given and your latest actions and comments I still cannot see any improvement from the first post. My real question is what do you expect to get out of here with the continuous posts about the same things over and over again?

Your new comments now are that you are scared of being alone. I get that, I think that most do as we have been there too. What do you plan on doing about it? I do not know what do you think get a puppy

Another of your comments about the physical appearance. Ok, so you look like Danny devito, big deal. You mentioned you will be going to a gim or did so and then stopped. You think your wife will leave you because you are overweight and bald? Maybe.. but what are you going to do about it? She is not leaving me because of my looks I know this much yes I need to get back into making time for the gym worth going for me alone

I am overweight, have less hair than I would like, and not really a brad pitt look alike. I got off my butt, started working out 5 days a week for 2 hours, improved my diet and bought stuff from a nutrition shop, changed my hair, changed my wardrobe (not necessarily buying a truck load of clothes, just not throwing on the first thing i laid my hands on), wear cologne everyday when I go out and began listening to modern day music which I also enjoy in the gim. Result is I am now a more confident and healthier person inside and out. Staying at home doesnt help, believe me been there done that. Going to the gim wont get your W back. It will get you back. BTW if you do go, dont be like those guys you see walking around with mismatched clothes and brown socks up to their calves and with little to no effort. Think rocky and eye of the tiger. You will really feel better. The trade off is that you also get to admire the ornithology to take your mind off things.

You handed over to her so much power and control you really are in the s**t. Great so an idea what do do here

Here we talk about GAL & Detach, etc. I noticed I started making progress when i started to live. Enjoy life with all my faults and imperfections. Accept who I am. How can I expect my W to accept me or respect me if I dont accept or respect myself? We are not Calvin Klein models but we are who we are and each have something unique to offer to make our partner happy. And whether it be the same partner or a new one, wear it with pride.

TBH I really am running out of things to say.

Dont defend your lack of action with validations, dont hide behind insecurities. At this minute with your present attitude what do you have new to offer to your W to make her change her mind? Since BD what have you been working on and developing that you can bring to the table? Hopes and dreams? promises you will change? She has already had that and she quit. you are right I am not making enough changes will re evaluate tomorrow
N
This is where i go back to an earlier post, I get the impression you dont want it bad enough. You want the easy way out. You have not one piece of something new to offer but want her to come back. Why should she? Would you? Point taken

I think i can understand your W and dont think it was the chores or kids, I think it was she needed someone to stand beside her not behind her. Someone to take over when she faltered. Maybe when she was sad she also had to be the shoulder to cry on. When she fell and looked up maybe she expected to see her saviour with the arm stretched out to pick her up. Maybe she just needed a man, her husband but had to end up being both.

Its a guess and Ill probably get b**ch slapped by the members but if I am right, what she is seeing now is the same guy who if she gives a chance will continue with his old ways because in all honesty G i have not seen from you any new ways from which to fall back from. Also, if wanting out is not motivation enough for you to change, what is?


G, I said it before.... stop posting and talking. Start doing.

Actions really do speak louder than words.

peace bro and dont hate me I have nothing but love for you.


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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Max. What you said about Ghost's W needing someone to stand beside her, not behind her. Someone to take over when she faltered?

That describes what I always needed and didn't get from my H. Thank you. I never looked at it that way, but your words were perfect. My H has always hid behind me, or his mom. Now he is thoroughly hiding behind his mom and she is very happy to keep him there. Wow, you just blew me away a bit with your words.

Sorry to hijack Ghost's thread.



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Originally Posted By: photoka
Max. What you said about Ghost's W needing someone to stand beside her, not behind her. Someone to take over when she faltered?

That describes what I always needed and didn't get from my H. Thank you. I never looked at it that way, but your words were perfect. My H has always hid behind me, or his mom. Now he is thoroughly hiding behind his mom and she is very happy to keep him there. Wow, you just blew me away a bit with your words.

Sorry to hijack Ghost's thread.

I find that interesting. I can see in my R that I stood in front and not beside. I was always trying to protect too much. Never let her be herself. Wanted to care so much where she never could do for herself. Crazy.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
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Max that does make some sence to me she did want equality I thought I gave her this I see I did not

She did end up doing the lions share of things and I was not there for her or would stand behind her

Now short of showing her my changes no point telling her I will continue to show her this is all I can do

I will continue to work on me reading that you went to the gym 5 times a week for 2 hrs at a time makes me VERY aware that perhaps I am not putting in enough effort ....to how important is she to me.

I know working out five times a week will not get my W back but going once a week is surly not going to get me any changes that I want. I am starting with the man i see in the mirror gonna make a change

Time to start changing ghost into ghost 2.0

Time to work on me

Have a great day everyone

Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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