HI Rouky. I am so depressed lately that I can barely function. I think it is the medication. I will see my doctor the 12th of October and will ask her about it. I have never felt this way in my life. I am struggling at work and struggling to do anything at home. I sleep a lot. I can't seem to get my stuff together that I need for the divorce. Not sure if W is getting her's either. I am slowly detaching from her and I have an advantage over you in that I rarely see her. An advantage in that it is easier to detach. I still think your H will have an awakening and come to his senses. Could be wrong there. He would be an idiot to not do so. You are such a great catch! I wish that I had your strength.
I am having trouble eating and my weight has fallen to 150lbs. I think that is 68kg. My pre-cancer weight was 165. I am over six feet tall. I feel OK though and I am still working out and running 2.5 miles (4k). Do you ever struggle to eat? How do you address it if you do? I have heard it called divorce-thin. I don't need to be any more thin.
I have friends who want to fix me up with girls. I just don't feel like it yet but it would be nice to have someone to talk to occasionally. My patience has deserted me. I want my health back and I want my divorce over. I only get one chance to get the divorce right however and I have got to be strong. Rouky where do you find your strength?
Keep praying for me as I have to keep fighting. I am so thankful to have my friends here. My family is so good to me as well. Trying to GAL and have been watching nieces play vollyball. I do need to do more though. Hope your evening was nice!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Damn Shotgun, I hope it's the medication you're on that's bringing you down the extra little bit that you need right now. Your story is such an extraordinary one and if I've heard anything of value repeated this year it's the the low will be replaced by a high that is equal.
Meaning that since you've gotten the chit kicked out of you so much, your new life will be that much brighter. There's a part of my that very much believes that Shotgun. First off, you have to survive this. Day by day. Whatever it takes. No matter what. Then you can take a deep breath and go about the business of rebuilding.
Do everything in your power to take care of yourself, do all of the necessary self care pieces that you can. You're going to get through this, I 100% believe it.
Sending you strength Shotgun, lots of it.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Chocolate is the answer :-)! It has been about 3/4 weeks that you are under medication, by now you should feel a bit more upbeat. I'm glad that you are seeing your doctor; as I'm sorry to say that, but what you got given is s#!t!
You are such a brave man and I admire how you have coped with your illness. Eating is still a problem with me as I have lost appetite for food! On one hand I feel like I look better (was always very slim), but on the other hand I noticed that soon I'll look like an anorexic person. I have now 5 little meals throught the day, and it helps me to keep my weight stable.
Don't take this the wrong way but maybe going out with other women could be a good thing. It doesn't mean that you are back on the dating scene but more that you want to meet new people, try new restaurants, developing companionship without any ideas other than becoming friends with new people! It's GAL to broaden our horizons, not to jump straight away into another relationship.
I do believe that once your medication is sorted out, the real Shotgun will come alive again :-). What is your favourite food? If it makes you happy eat some more. Think about a memory that brings a smile on your face ( not one with your S) and think about it over and over, it will help you!
Where do I get my strength, I don't think I have any but I try to find something positive everyday. Example: British weather at its best, rain all day, so when I woke up I decided to wear a bright orange top! It did the trick I felt happy, got comments on the fact the colour suited me but most important was that when colleagues were interacting with me they were smiling because they felt happy to see such a bright colour amongst everyone else dressed in black! No chance to lose me in the corridors :-)! Seen people smiling really made my day!
I know you can get through this, and it's very good that even if you are feeling down, you still express your feelings to avoid to bottle them up.
Thanks PigPen and Rouky. Before starting the medication I was experiencing waves of emotion that were extreme in every direction. Extreme joy, extreme sorrow etc. etc. Now I am just incredibly sad. Maybe I am in the depression stage of grief. I just didn't know I could feel this way. I am also having a hard time thinking about the future. I know it will be better than ever before but I am just so weighted down with everything right now that I cannot go there. My sisters who I have leaned on through this have challenges of their own and I am reluctant to call on them right now. I do think often of the two of you and the others who have reached out to me here.
I feel that all this shall pass and I know that all of you have dealt with and are dealing with the same feelings. I'm sorry that you all have to go through this. The people in our lives are very cruel and the way that we have fought for our families is indeed heroic. May God give us the strength to continue to rebuild our lives and bring us healing.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Don't lose faith/hope Shotgun, if your W isn't pushing for D paper then don't do them. You need time to look after yourself. Have you got a good friend in whom you could confide in, if you don't want to burden your siblings?
Having a better day here at the Lonely Hearts Club. Had supper with my sister last night. Got up and went to yoga class this morning. Talked to a good friend on the telephone. Actually looked forward to taking my medication. It may be getting better. The mood swings have definitely moderated. Looking for a job that is not quite so physical in nature. Thinking more about going to college after the divorce. Thinking about the struggles of Rouky, Avanti and PigPen. Am amazed at the cruelty of humans toward one another. Have S13 for the rest of the weekend. Might go winterize our camper. Thinking a lot about dating these days. Is it too awkward to go out on a date even though I am still married? Doesn't bother STBXW. Had some really flirty encounters with cute girls at work this week. Felt old when they hadn't heard of Sling Blade, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or Easy Rider. We did have commonality in that we had all seen The Spongebob Movie! Gack I'll have to find some older girls.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Is it too awkward to go out on a date even though I am still married?
I wouldn't see it as going on a date, I'd only tell myself that I'm going out with a new friend to a new restaurant! I know it is a date, but not comfortable using the word date at the moment! Well your W sacked you as her husband so I don't see why you shouldn't go out and have a good time with someone else!
I'm happy to hear about the change in mood swing! Thank for thinking of me, it means a lot. Hope you have a good time with your S.
I'm glad to read that your last post was more positive. Keep faith in whatever you do, there is a light at the end of the tunnel :-). Brilliant idea about going back to college!
OK so I am sure now that the depression is the Prozac. It has leveled me out, no more extremes in emotions, but I am at too low of a point. My therapist agrees and will evaluate me in one week and will call Dr about adjusting my prescription strength. She stated that she had not seen me this way and was concerned. I feel that I am barely functioning at this point and can barely get out of bed.
I have met someone who is very nice and very attractive. I want to ask her out but I'm not sure I could pull off masking my depression. Hate to screw something up that could be good down the road. Could I keep it very casual and informal and not create too many expectations but still show interest? The whole dating thing is so awkward after so many years.
I have a great son who is very concerned about me. Where will I find the strength to pretend that everything is OK and be able to minimize the damage to him? His future is so bright if I can keep him focused on his talents and his schoolwork. He is asking some tough questions of his mother and she is upset with me about it. Not sure how to deal with it as his questions are based on his observations and on nothing that I have said. I am so thankful to not be the one in her shoes and trying to explain how I could have done that to his other parent.
Asking all here to pray for me to have strength and to be a good father. All I want at this point is for him to not be damaged and to remain focused on his future. Being a parent has always been a strength of mine but I am feeling the weight of the world right now. Could be putting too much thought into what W said about it.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Please consider asking them to help you wean off the med's shotgun.
While the medical staff are scratching their heads over which med in what dosage and whether to ask you to spin around three times, clockwise or anti-clockwise before taking them and then having to wait 3-4 weeks to see if they are right, you are in a bit of a mess.
Your therapist and/ or doctor should know of (non-chemical based) alternatives and if they don't ask for a second opinion or to speak to someone who does.
Take control shotgun, it might sound like a big ask given how you feel, it might be the best step you ever took in helping yourself. As a fellow who too tried pills and went to a very, very dark place, I know that the alternatives work and my body chemistry isn't infected by man-made substances that are manufactured by money sucking behemoth organisations.
Can you tell I'm quite passionate about this? :-)
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
If your therapist has realised that there was something wrong, why does she need to evaluate you in a week's time?
As for your S, I'd say answer his questions with an honest reply. As mother we tend to think that they still are our babies, so we forget easily that they have their own eyes!
Like Avanti said look for more natural alternative to medication as it may help you. Also try not think about what your W says as your boy is old enough to see things for what they are.
