Three weeks ago I kissed my wife goodbye in the morning at 7:00 am to go to work. When I returned towards the afternoon, I did not hear the dog barking. I went into my place and found it half empty. On my computer keyboard was a Dear John letter than she left. Basically she told me she left me because I was unhappy with her. She did not want me to contact her, wanted her space, and stated that she was going to talk to an attorney about a divorce. Flashforward three weeks later and she finally emailed me after no contact.
She told me that she had no choice but to leave the way she did. She also said that " we" both knew that we were concluding to this point. In short, both her letters don't make any sense.
I was not unhappy to the point that I wanted to leave the marriage. In fact while she was planning her leave ( I am guessing few months), she was playing the doting loving wife kissing, dancing, talking about our future, our move to another city and so forth. I did not think that our relationship was in such disarray that SHE may the unilateral decision to leave.
I say unilateral because she was not always a good communicator. They say that it is usually the men who do not communicate but in this case I was always asking her what was wrong, if she needed to talk to me about anything regarding the relationship and she always said " nothing is wrong." So when she says it takes two to break I do believe in that statement strongly. However in this case she made all the decisions on her own.
Last edited by Cadet; 10/06/1504:29 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I'm so sorry that have the need to be here, but I hope it helps you as much as it is helping me. My H just moved out this weekend and that would have made me think there was no chance of reconciliation, if not for the advice and commentary of people in similar situations on these boards. Having my S move out, I now know is possibly a helpful thing at this time, a time to think things over. Read, read more, and truly think about what you are reading and how it applies to your situation. You may fin a few eye openers and insights into why things happened the way they did. I know I have. Good luck!
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks for chiming in and providing me with helpful recommendations. I don't know if I should read Divorce Remedy or Divorce Busting because I really don't want to reconcile with her after what WW has done before and after WW left. I kept trying to understand why she did what she did. I keep going back to situations, analyzing them picking at them but it is very difficult.
I really don't want to reconcile with her after what WW has done before and after WW left. I kept trying to understand why she did what she did. I keep going back to situations, analyzing them picking at them but it is very difficult.
I guess if you don't want to reconcile I am confused as to why you want to know about "why"
I posted to you on Sandi's thread about one possible reason.
How old is she? How old are you? Length of marriage? Children?
Let me also say that I do think it is a good idea to know why. I just want you take on it.
I guess the "why" part is because of how all this happened. It is not a matter of me wanting to be with her again. I just don't think I can get past what she has done to me..ever. I know at some point I have to forgive her for the atrocities she has done but I am just not there
Also I also don't think I will know " why" WW left the way she did. She has not reached out to me, she is avoiding me like the bubonic plague and I have no interest in reaching out to her. She is the enemy now and she hurt me.
