LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M

[gs9]

I would at this point not invite her to church given all you've posted. If she wants to join you great, but you throwing it out there again seems to be pushy at this point.... I'd just let her be for a bit.

Got it. I'll not invite her. She knows she's welcome if she would like to go.

Here is the thing, you've put in some serious changes but your WW will be of the opinion it's all a trick, like you have a spring loaded trap to catch her and get her back into the M .... It's going to take MONTHS, maybe longer for her to accept your changes and believe they are real and will stick... Let's be honest, it's going to take you being consistent in keeping up these changes regardless if your WW buys me or not.

Ugh.....I don't have months. Luckily these changes are for me. I'll no longer allow anyone to walk on me or abuse me the way she has. I never did before her. I became soft towards her and enabled her. Bad mistake.

She fired you... The M you had is gone , from the sounds of it it's most likely better off that way. I can not stress enough that you need to focus on yourself and work to improve for you... Do the work, use the gift of time... The holidays are coming and it's going to get bumpy and if you do not have your head screwed on tight this is going to be even harder.

yeah the holidays are going to be weird plus We both have a B-day coming up.
It is better off that the M I had is gone. I will not go back to that M so I will either have a healthy M and healthy wife or I will have a D. I know in order to R it will take a long time and there will have to be significant changes in the way she behaves and treats me. There will also need to be significant changes in the dynamics of our R. She may not be willing to change and if she's not then we will be D. I will not accept a M like we had.
I feel my gift of time is very short.

What are your goals?
GALs ?

1st goal- a closer walk with God. I decided a little over a year ago that I was just going through the motions. I wasn't spending the time with Him that I needed to. I started daily devotions every morning in my office and have set it as a great way to start my day.
2nd goal I set financial goals in the spring before her first A. My goal was to make enough $ that she could quit her job and stay home with D4 by Aug 1st. I accomplished that goal with God's help. Too bad she decided to be unfaithful and is not reaping the blessings. She is still working.
My 3rd goal is to foster some real friendships. My wife had separated me from most of my friends and family. Our IC said it's an control issue for her stemming from her abuse as a child. This goal plays right into GAL-ing. I've been spending a lot of time with guys from my men's group at church and an old friend who just moved back to town. I've been away from the house 2-3 nights per week. I'm usually home no later than 11 pm.
My 4th goal was to have a 6 pack by my 40th birthday. It's on Thursday. I'm close but didn't quite get there. I've always been involved in sports and activities but had only been working out at home and not watching my nutrition. Since her A I've been hitting the gym hard and my appetite has been suppressed to a healthy level. This focus has really allowed me to feel more balanced and gives me an avenue to let out frustrations.
5th goal is to play rugby again. I was hoping to be able to join the squad this fall but I've hurt my legs a couple times and am now hoping to join in the spring.