Betsey, I've asked that question too. A lot. H has also asked me that question. My answer is yes... I do. IF he is willing to do his part in the R and for himself. He didn't end up here intentionally, I believe that.
BUT... as Shirley Glass says in her book (which is very insightful), guilt and self-pity are good for about 5 minutes. Then you need to pack it away and start making reparations for your behavior. That feeling guilty is often used as a way to avoid changing the behavior that you know needs to change. That's where we've been for months. I am not willing to stay in that place and if H is, then that's the dealbreaker, obviously.
I hope I don't paint a terrible picture as before this crisis, my H was a devoted H and my best friend in the world. He is a deeply emotional and sensitive man with amazing talents and resourcefulness and a clever sense of humor. He's playful and one of the sexiest and the smartest people I know, though he doesn't seem to see himself that way. He's got plenty of good qualities. He's also got some stuff to deal with
We haven't had a truly negative interaction in at least 9 months. And that was one I am responsible for. Before that it was 5 months without one.
Azure, I've wondered about a mediator. I did meet a long while back with 2 diff. attys. back when I thought I would file myself, so I know the basic rights stuff, but I wonder whether a mediator wouldn't make more sense for us. Both of the attys told me not to file unless I knew that I wanted my H out of my life for good... so I didn't.
Nita, I've been separated on the whole 2 years, though it doesn't seem that long. In that time H has moved home twice and moved out of OWs two additional times with the goal of coming home.
180s for me now would be letting go completely for more than 2 weeks, being nonchalant about a D and moving forward with it, remaining Hs friend while that happens. Another 180 would be eliminating H completely from my life. Either one would be a big one.
