After our conversations yesterday about the separation agreement and everything i felt like i needed to say a few things to her. Before reading more, I hate that you wrote "I felt like..." and let that control your actions. Doing something because you feel happy or sad or empowered or lonely or rejected or horny or whatever, is usually a recipe for regrets when your feelings change. In my opinion, there is no rush to really anything thats going on here, so anytime Im deciding on something important or on some interaction, I wait a little while to really decide if it is pushing me toward my goals.
Looking back, do you still think this was a necessary conversation? A helpful one?
I have really been trying to let god take over things in my life and felt i needed to make good with her, at least in my own mind. I called her and let her know that although i do not feel that we are at this point as all my fault that i have been thinking about how she must have felt for so long to get her to this point. I told her i was sorry for playing a part in that and it really bothers me knowing she must have hurt for so long. I think one sincere, meaningful apology is not a bad thing, but I feel that you were too general here, and that it wont be taken seriously or have the effect you are looking for/hoping for/I dont know. Its good to be empathetic, but I think that coming out of nowhere like this sounds more like patronizing than empathizing. But thats just my opinion.
I also told her that moving forward i am going to be as fair as i can and not be petty. I will make sure that me providing for the kids is not affected and if i am able to help more for her i would because i want to kow she is able to provide for them as much as possible also. Unfortunately, I dont like this. Youre going to be fair, by whose rules? yours? hers? I would try to avoid discussing the future too much. What if she told you right now that she is sleeping with OM? Now, how fair are you going to be once all that hurt comes into play? What if she changes her mind to fight for custody? There are so many variables in play, that I dont think it's wise to make grand statements.
I think you are saying this expecting her to do the same. Time will tell if she is. Even if she agrees now, doesnt mean it will always be that way.
Just my thoughts. Others may disagree with me. Regardless, whats done is done, so keep moving forward.
