What a Wonder-Filled World...

[holdingon]

I don't feel I'm trying to control anything or force a conversation. Maybe I am wrong about that and maybe that is how H is seeing it too.

You know, Wonder, I don't know if that is what your H sees or not. All I know is I got hit with that "you are controlling" stuff, too. And I always thought I was giving in to him. So, I have tried to not control anything... is it working, who knows... I never get any R convo from my H AT ALL... just idle chit chat... like we are superficial friends. Maybe instead of controlling, pressuring would have been a better choice of words. With these MLCers, who knows?

H has repeatedly said he wishes I could understand and I have said that if he wants that he needs to offer me some kind of explanation. I can't read his mind. And the conversations we'd been having were ones in which we were giving each other that kind of information and feedback. So it seemed a natural request.

It definitely does seem like a natural request. And how incredibly frustrating for you to reach a point of honest communication and now your H to be acting like you never communicated like that at all... Unfortunately, I'm finding NOTHING about ANY of this natural. I find my instincts no longer work, and my intuition is broken. For some reason, unknown to you, and maybe unknown to your H, he seems to have gotten scared, turned around and high tailed it back to the seemingly comfortable island of D. I agree, an explanation would be great. However, chances are, there is no logical explanation... he's like a child screaming "I want this" without knowing why... maybe simply because he knows you don't. Maybe it's time for you to give him what he wants... sometimes that's the wake-up call they need.

Obviously, I have no clue how to fix an R. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here, would I. It just seems to me you two have gotten in a push me-pull you, and you might need to change your tactics, do a 180, give him what he wants. You know your H better than anyone... but you are in a rough place, too.