mahhhty! Long time no see. Thanks for stopping by. I guess one of the things that keep me from writing that letter is that it won't ever get through to her. Yet, today I had another inner monologue for her. I see one point at which she will listen to me: when she'll need something important from me, like moving to her country. That will be my opening to make her understand what she put me through. I'm not sure it matters, I don't even know if I'll feel like it at that time.
I was hearing parents argue with their little kids yesterday and they kept on talking over their kids to calm them down and, as an external observer, I kept thinking: "Shut up, your kid wants to be heard, not talked to." I think there's a lesson there for the letter-writers like me.
I heard yesterday that OM will accompany WW on a trip halfway around the world with her mom to see the MIL's home country. I've never been invited to go there. It stung a little and, like an old scent, reminded me of feelings past. But it went away almost immediately. I realized that while I envy the privilege, I don't envy the experience all that much.
As it's been for almost a year, I sense growing the idea that a R would simply not be good for me. I feel stronger than ever in this opinion. I've been through the meat grinder in the last year and getting back with her would almost certainly be lining up for another round a few years down the road. She cheated on me twice, left me without a warning and a look back, has always been this impulsive and even disloyal to her friends. It's not an exception, it's who she is. I bet on the wrong horse, that's all. I should cut my losses and move on. But then, the kids... OK, back to not thinking about a question that isn't asked.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
