Quote: But I'm not going to become someone who is screwed up to help him feel better... I've taken the other approach of needing his expertise, expressing appreciation that he's been there for me to share things with emotionally and asa friend (when he has been), and general appreciation for who he is and the things he does, how he looks, etc. Validating how he'd felt at one time (some of which he now says was his assuming and he was wrong, but some was also our interaction patterns)... and this was working to take down lots of walls.
I'm glad to hear you say this, and I'm sure that was the right approach. It definitely is not worth it to turn into a needy person for them. Whatever satisfaction they get from being with someone like that will wear off. My friend was in a similar situation, her parter of 15 years left her to be with a needy, depressed woman. She ran into him recently (he came into her neighborhood, by chance, hmmm) and he looked utterly miserable.
Maybe OW gave him some sort of ultimatum (or "old tomatoes," as my best friend used to think the term went, LOL) and that is the reason for his pushing. Have patience and I think she'll blow it. This may also be the reason for his resisting giving you an answer, he doesn't want to say that is why. Or maybe every time he tries to connect the dots to give you your answer, he feels confused. And with good reason! He can't figure out why he's pushing such a wonder-filled person to a D!
