Hey! Thanks! This gives me some food for thought.

Lee, I DO feel annoyed that he isn't trusting me to do what I said... and that he has been pushing me 1. without an explanation and 2. at a time where I am dealing with (and he knows this) major work stress.

Frankly, giving me the papers the way he did eroded trust I'd been building in him. If H had decided to serve me at home with papers, what's the difference from handing them to me? H seems to think he's spared me something, but what I'm not sure.

And yeah, he takes whatever time he decides to take on his stuff, and not just getting his own place. So his pushing is very odd to me... and frankly, that is why I was assuming (I know...) that it's about OW. It's not his personality at all to push.

B, the whole thing is bizarre to me. Maybe H doesn't feel needed... I know that is something he's talked about in the past. OW, he said "was so screwed up, she really needed him". I am strong, she is not, bla, bla...

But I'm not going to become someone who is screwed up to help him feel better... I've taken the other approach of needing his expertise, expressing appreciation that he's been there for me to share things with emotionally and asa friend (when he has been), and general appreciation for who he is and the things he does, how he looks, etc. Validating how he'd felt at one time (some of which he now says was his assuming and he was wrong, but some was also our interaction patterns)... and this was working to take down lots of walls.

Maybe H is withdrawing from guilt. I don't know.

Azure, if it's something you'd do then that strikes me as it can't be too bad. I guess I am having a harder time figuring out what works now because nothing seems to...

Hmm. The more I write this, the more I think H is being pushed on the other side by whomever... because this is how he acted when that happened once before. Only then he had more anger and now he is calm and pleasant for the most part.

You guys are right. I need to not succumb to the pushing or be so sweet about it. I was worried about being the seen as the thing "standing in his way" and creating a bad dynamic of him seeing me negatively.

But I'm not being unreasonable at all, nor difficult.

wonder