Time to let go.....How? (2)

[otw]

Good afternoon
just wanted to stop in and give a little journal update. Since i have decided i need to back off from journaling everything that goes on each day in an effort to let go and detach a little more things have continued to move in the direction that i would not like to see.
W called today to tell me she has found a house she would like to put a deposit on and wanted to make sure we could get our agreement together. this led to a long conversation about the details of the separation agreement. I basically told her we are no where close to each other on the spousal support and told her what the state is going to require and that is all i am going to pay. we went into a few other items. But she wants to go put a deposit on a house and is moving forward with it. So i calculated our savings and told her i would write myself a check for what my split is and she can then have those bank accounts. During the conversation i fought the urge to do any relationship talk and stood my ground on things. I am not sure how she feels about everything as i could hear her mood change a few times. In the end we were both just silent on the phone and i stated that this was kind of surreal and a strange conversation. I finally just flat out asked her how she was doing. She said everyday is different. I told her tell me about it.

I am very upset about this step. I know that this was coming but i was praying to be able to avoid it. the in house separation has been awful. as much as i still love her and seeing her everyday it makes it so difficult knowing she no longer wants me. I have been praying everyday and hoping for a miracle. i know the road is still long and anything can happen but this part feels so final and i am feeling like she has moved on in life and ready to never look back.

crappy day