Wow. Lots of big hugs to you all! Lee and Deb and B and Sun and Azure and Mooka! I so appreciate your feedback here.
B, it DID seem like he wanted to be here. And now H has really withdrawn from any emotional talk with me. So it's really a 180 on his part.
Deb and Lee, I too have said this about him having to get a D and me not wanting it and believing we have a great shot at reconciliation. He is afraid to believe that on one level, I know. But at one point, he said I'd made him believe it was possible--which of course it is. Now apparently he no longer believes this? Too confusing for me to make sense of.
I've reduced my contact with him quite a bit since the papers, but am consistently being my upbeat and friendly self when we do interact.
Azure, I do think he could be giving OW another try... though he has not said a wod of that to me. I can't imagine him wanting to sustain that either, but there is an emotional attachment there... I find it so hard to imagine being emotionally attached to the one person who encourages you to act destructively...
Has anyone read Not Just Friends? It's so sensitive and insightful I am tempted to send it to H... though I won't, of course.
As for the web site, I sent him files and he asked for more content. I sent him a reply early in the day, as I mentioned, and then later that eve I called to see if I should send the files over, since I got no response.
H called me back at 10 pm (a time that is unusual for us) and left me a message, which I got the next morning. Said he had been working late and hadn't gotten my email, to call him back.
I had sent the files anyway in the meantime. He never acknowledged my question about his reasons.
In the morning (in the midst of layoffs in my office) I sent an email telling him I was really sorry to miss his call, and that I was relieved to still have my job. Wished him a great day.
This a.m. I get a message saying no big deal about missing his call. He is working on the site and also having a crazy week at work. And have I figured out what I am doing with the papers, so he can let his lawyer know.
Still no acknowledgement that I even asked the question about why he has changed his mind.
I responded: thanks for working on the site and how much I appreciate that. I will likely send in the papers but am waiting on a clarification. And that I was disappointed he did not acknowledge my question... that I was unclear on why he putting up the walls between us after we had taken them down, what his reasons are given that we've agreed on any M issues and had seemed to be on the same page, etc. I said I am not going to stand in his way, but feel my questions are fair ones, esp. since he is pushing me so hard for paperwork.
Maybe this is DB-consistent, but I'm guesing maybe not. But I did feel I needed to say this stuff right now. I won't bring it up again because now I feel I have communicated clearly that I do not know why he is now pushing a D.
But I really do hope he does the right thing too... I just saw Under the Tuscan Sun last night... maybe I will relocate to Italy and write books?
