I'm so sorry you are here. It is the club that no-one wants to join, but you will find plenty of support here. First things first, have you read either DR or DB my friend? If not, do get one of them ordered (I preferred DR) and read it from cover to cover.
It sounds to me that at the moment, you are pursuing your W and hoping she will want back in, despite incredibly difficult circumstances. I guess my first question is that her having another man's child is hugely tough and are you sure that being together is what you want in those circumstances?
A poster called NDY in newcomers is in a similar position. I think for him it has helped him find some closure in his sitch. But, people do cope with such things. However, your W does not want to be 'in' the M just now. That doesn't mean she never will, but for now I think you would do best to start GAL for yourself, work on detachment and begin to 'act as if.' These are all things that are explained more in the books. Also, have a look at the welcome resources in Newcomers and read those - particularly the 37 rules.
For now, it may be best to focus on the practical issues in hand - finances, accounts, housing and get those resolved. Then you are in a better place with some breathing space and opportunity to really start DBing and working in yourself. For now, I would accept and let go of your W. Her heart is turned against you for now and may be for some time. She is a wayward wife and if you have a read of the advice for LBS with WW in the newcomer resources, that will be illuminating for you.
I'm sure others will be along to post too. But in the meantime, take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
