Sandi, Here is more. What did she tell me – Well, she has never said she wants a divorce only a trial separation that was a year ago. She never said I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I told her that she didn’t love me anymore in the heat of an argument that dropped the bomb, she agreed but was not the one to initiate it. Since then she has said she is not passionately in love with me. I don’t know if makes a difference but that is how it was said.
Reasons never gave any specific only that she couldn’t take it anymore. Which would lead me to make some assumptions, my actions or lack thereof. Not enough help around the house (I did very little inside house work), my stupidity with stonewalling and saying I’m going to leave to try to get here to come towards me, not helping with the kids school work.
Changes in her– She started working out almost 4yrs ago with a friend from work, had some work done. Is more concerned about finances now, seems to be trying to do everything herself. She does not go out in the evenings or anything like that. She will occasionally go do stuff with some work friends but even that will get put off if there is something that involves the kids. (Like their home work didn't get done) Sometimes it will be because the house isn't clean
ADD – Yea I’ve often wondered if I am. Seems to be somewhat of a consistency in our kids with some attention in schools and stuff. I do feel a lack of being able to focus especially now but don’t know.
Change the dynamics I started helping with the school work and trying to be more involved with the school. This has led to some disagreement s and disbelief and in some cases I have backed off where I should have held my ground. This is one area I am not consistent enough in. We have been working on the house but it came to pretty much a stand still around the beginning of summer. A lot of it is time but the other is I am waiting for a decision on she wants. I need to take a more active role here and give choices so that it can get done. Went back to school as much for her as for me. It was a promise I made before we were married to get through college. Now I need it to get closer to home no matter which way this ends up. Have started doing more house work. Have started cooking more again, but it seems no one is around to eat and they all want something different.
I am not doubting my W on what I said or didn’t say. There seems to be a lot of things I do not remember. It seems that short term is especially bad and has been for quite a while. I can be upstairs at a meeting at work and by the time I get to my office downstairs with no one interrupting me my thought are lost.
I guess I look at it from her perspective and that I didn’t do so much of it before and now it looks fake.
