You are one strong lady. My H blamed our M for his depression also, as you know, as far as he was concerned the only thing wrong in his life was me and our M.
His view didn't change until i droped the rope. I went dark and extracted my self from his life. This way he could no longer blame me for his problems, cause i was no longer there.
I maitained distant contact. I would answer him a few days or some times that night etc when he would call me, and after a few weeks of darkness i would contact him and have a brief, friendly chat.
All contact i had with him, i was always brighter than brigth and had alot of things going on. I was also very busy and thus made myself unavailable and thus created a little mystery.
Most of my friends are men, nature of the job, but it never hurt to let slip in to the convo that i was meeting such and such for coffee, and i would make sure it was friends that H didn't know or didn't know well.
I know it sound manipulative, but it showed H me getting on and infact doing well without him, when after the inital relief, his problems had stayed with him.
I know that i was passive aggressive when it came to the matter of D. I never mentioned it and the only thing i would say was "I do not want this, but i won't fight it. I will give it to you if you go through with it."
I had also decided that i would have nothing to do with it. I would keep myself seperate from it by doing everything to do with it through my L and treating it as just another legal matter. However, i was prepared to take him to the cleaners, but totally via the L.
I don't know if this would work for you, but i think you need to leave him totally in his own head. Give him the chance to see that the M and you are nothing to do with his depression, that it is all about him. That a D or a new GF etc are not the cure for depression, only meds, exercise and therapy can do that.
Feeling a little down tonight, so sorry about the negative spin, but i hope this might give you some ideas for a 180 or something.
