We seem to be on a similar path although you are farther down the road. Sotto recommended that I read your update...great advice from her. I struggle with all of the same issues. My W needs space...before her A and now even more. But, like you, I read into a lot of what is happening. One day things are great, she is intimate and affection. The next day, she seems distant. Still friendly but like a cloud is over her. If the A had not happened, none of this would be an issue. As many have stated, in a lot of happy marriages the H and W spend time alone doing their own thing. Frankly, it makes their time together more interesting.
Shodan … I have followed your sitch a bit but have not posted much as I typically agreed with the advice you were being given, I have some time today and will revisit it and see if I can spot anything that might be useful to you now.
Originally Posted By: shodan
But due to the A, like you, I am always wondering. Is she quiet b/c the OM called her? Is she quiet b/c she is rethinking about us? I know I should not read into these situations and should just live my life. Piecing is so much harder than after BD. People were right and I just laughed at them. I am not laughing now.
I will stay close to your thread and see what I can do to help in anyway. Please feel to do the same with mine (in extramarital affairs).
Just to set the record straight. I am not really struggling with the “What if OM called her/or she contacted OM” type thoughts … honestly if that were the case I would have no problem with cutting the rope and filing for D, and moving on .. W knows this would be the ultimate deal breaker as we have discussed this prior to any attempt to work on our M. It was part of the non-negotiable … continuing that I also did not really ask for a full transparency nor have her send a NC letter … logically if she wanted to continue with OM it’s a matter of just going deeper underground .. so I adopted the philosophy of .. “Why should I waste energy on that .. I have better things to do with my time and energy”
What I do struggle with admittedly is the damage cause by the A, the betrayal, the lies and deceit that happened. Those are things I am looking to rebuild but as I posted above … things that will have to be addressed slowly and in their own time as W is still piecing herself back together from her crisis.
