Lost, just wanted to say good morning and spread the love. I love the mornings, for me they are filled with hope and anticipation for what may arise. Sort of like Christmas morning before you open the presents. A so so unwanted gift is like a bad day, it's still a gift. Enjoy your day Lost
It seems you had a productive weekend! Great way to go into the week ahead. Sending love your way as you keep evolving!
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
My weekend was not so hot. Started on Friday night with a Skype convo with H. Just another one of those "W! I need you!" moments. He actually said that. Had medical questions. I gave some advice, but from a distant, not overly worried approach (even though there's the potential for a serious complication, like, idk, death, if it is what's suspected and left untreated.)
Here's what go to me. After that night, H went NC the whole weekend. So I was left floundering. Wondering is he punishing and manipulating me? As in "Fine, you don't want to worry about me. I won't call you." Or did I push him closer to OW since I didn't rush to "fix" the situation and seem terribly worried? So maybe he didn't call/message us b/c he was with OW the whole time so she could care for him.
I mean, he turned his Skype status to "away" for the entire weekend and didn't even call the kids. In the beginning, this would have been understandable BUT he told me last week he downloaded Skype onto his work phone so he has access to it at all times.
I tried to keep myself distracted. But honestly the whole thing left me feeling so sad. Anytime I was near the computer I checked the status. ugh. It's driving home the message that our R is over and it hurts. It just hurts.
I want to have hope there will be a time when our M is restored. I can't see it right now.
Back to the drawing board. Back to looking at myself in the mirror again. Man, I really don't like this. Maybe I can wear a hood when I look.
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
Thank you Lost! Don't be too in awe of me, I have had some great days but have also screwed up on a regular basis, as recently as this morning at 2:30 am when I became a poster child for "how NOT to DB." In my defense, I was supposed to be asleep.
The juice is nasty. I need to add more fruits because this stuff tastes like sticks and grass. But I have done it for 3 days so far, in place of breakfast. So far no difference in my health or energy.
So I was left floundering. Wondering is he punishing and manipulating me? As in "Fine, you don't want to worry about me. I won't call you." Or did I push him closer to OW since I didn't rush to "fix" the situation and seem terribly worried? So maybe he didn't call/message us b/c he was with OW the whole time so she could care for him.
Lost! There is no way to know. You arent PUSHING him anywhere. He is a grown man and is going to make his own decisions about what he feels is best. What he thinks is best for him and what you think is best for him might not be the same. Your actions arent going to PUSH him farther.
Think of it this way, if you are on a walk together and you stop walking, he is going to get farther away, right? Does that mean by you stopping that you are PUSHING him? Of course not! He is choosing to continue on his life without you.
There are so many reasons that he could be not skyping you, and it really doesnt matter. In the end, they are his choices.
Originally Posted By: Lost08
Back to looking at myself in the mirror again. Man, I really don't like this. Maybe I can wear a hood when I look.
Yeah, it's hard. But it's worth it. Its only when you identify that you want something to change that you can actually change it. So start small, and slowly build.
What is a good validating statement to say when H says "I miss you, W?"
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
I've said "Ok" "Thanks" "Ok, miss you, too" & maybe even "I hear you"
Just didn't think I was 'validating' ya know?
I don't know how to respond. I want to say "I miss you, too. I wish you were here. I wish you never told me about OW. I wish you never went outside our marriage. I wish things were different. What exactly do you miss?" Stuff along those lines
Maybe I next time I should say "Yeah, I would miss me too!!!" BA Hahahaha
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
Or "Really. Interesting. Hmmm. OK. Whatever. If you say so."
Or just "WTF?! Are you high?"
Seriously, remember that some of this might be a test to make sure you are where he left you. So, don't say "I miss you too" in return. Something no-commital, like "I hear you." or "I think about you too."]]
Still like the "WTF?! Are you high?"
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
