You always touch on the .. not so easy topics… so allow me to open up and vent a bit:
The one thing that seems to be a stumbling block for you both is the sex. I understand that. Just calling it out in the open. Why? Because one thing that "helps" customers be closer is the physical intimacy. It's a follow on to the emotional and spiritual intimacy. Like icing on the cake. But like all things, it has to be in time and you both have to ready. Just something to keep in mind that may contribute to her thinking you don't fully accept her yet.
AJ .. yeah that at the moment is the one ‘obstacle’ if you will that has been an issue. As I have shared here, its also a source of some hurt/pain for me .. something I have struggled with in all this. We have some roadblocks in the way… The STD, the A, not feeling safe in the relationship, issues from the old M , over this weekend we touched on them a bit … had a mini-breakthrough in a way … but more than that we are at least talking about it.
One of the things that this MLC crisis opened up was a 20+ year old secret W kept .. when we were dating I went out on my 2nd deployment to the Gulf War, during that time I received the “Dear John” letter and honestly had no intentions of staying around when I got out. When I returned from the war W had reached out at the time and wanted to talk .. have dinner .. who knows .. long story short I stopped my plans of leaving the state and pursuing a career and stayed here. A choice I had looked back at as a pivotal moment in my life as we later married. When W had her crisis and contracted the STD … she expressed she could have contracted it from someone she slept with during that time, someone she was seeing after she had broken things off with me … up to that point I had lived my entire life thinking we were each others first and only … had no idea she was intimate with someone else, W had not ever told me … and as she feared I most likely would have moved out of state had I known. I understand why she would not tell me, but that betrayal added to the more recent A has been a tough one to process. We discussed sex, and agreed its not the A … its our issues , she admitted she is still holding on to the past, she does not know how to forgive me for a collection of little things that filled her up with resentment. I was calm .. but firm .. telling her I have to forgive her for things she has done just as she does .. at some point we either take that leap and CHOOSE to start forgiving because carrying this weight along with us its going to sabotage the “New M”
Originally Posted By: AJM
I admire the path you've taken, Cali. A hard road to be sure. But I think you've done it with style and grace to date and making great progress. I like the balance you seem to have in your posts - shows a lot about where you are and where your W is. She is trying very hard and it's a bumpy road to be sure. Unchartered in her family by the sound of it.
Don't let up! You're getting to the best parts..
Peace,
AJ
Thank you AJ, I would never have made it to this point without the help of all you wonderful people here .. I know she is trying .. I see it and acknowledge it. With that I also feel she is sorting things out .. like you said .. picking up all that broken shattered parts of her, and trying to piece them together with the new parts of her .. almost like one broke a tea-cup and a platter and somehow they must fit the pieces they can and make one singular piece. She is trying to work on the M, but it’s the self work she must do first before she really has much to give to the M … something she has recently voiced to me and I agree .. so the M is in this weird limbo, its not the priority but it does get some attention here and there as she pieces herself together if that makes any sense.
