You know how I feel about you, Luke. You also know I am going to keep it real, yea?
I am thinking this. You are looking at each action, each word from your wife to define your relationship. That's not how life works. Sometimes she is going to want to do something. It may not be what you wanted her to choose, but, you aren't her, right?
What you think being all in should look like may not be what she thinks it looks like. And yea, she is finding herself. She is trying to figure out who she is aside from a wife and a mother. That's normal stuff.
uR .. I think this is a big point and one I have started to look at which was my point in the previous post or two (I am emailing my replies so I do not have the thread in front of me currently) It was about the “Picture” and this seems to have expanded for me in my processing of all this … the image of my M, commitment, ‘all in’ reconciliation … just to name a few does not really match up with how I envisioned it and that was creating some friction internally for me. Even the way W shows love/affection is different … this was foreshadowed in the 5 LL .. but now it’s even clearer to me, nothing will match up perfectly with how I pictured this … this is how disillusionment happens and I am at a point currently I need to look at which things I can accept and appreciate as they are … and which ones I cannot. The pictures on the wall are going to look how they will … it’s my choice to let them continue to assemble and paint a clearer picture … or if I see something being painted and I know in my heart I cannot accept that to address it honestly, then let those things play out as they will.
In other words, I am trying to be more patient and more accepting and allowing this thing to play out without judgement and without any expectations.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
All you can do is what you think you need to do regarding yourself. You cant have expectations of what she should do. It isn't any one word or actions that sets the tone here. It will be a cumulative and collective kind of a thing that will lead to a restored marriage.
There will be fits and starts, valleys and hills. That's life.
As you go on, you will fine tune those things that are important to both of you and eventually find a rhythm. That happens through give and take over time. Till then, keep walking forward. Allow her space to figure herself out. Continue to work on you. Enjoy the moments and embrace the possibilities.
I think this is where we are now … there are peaks/valleys … times of stagnation and then mini breakthroughs.
