LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M

[gs9]

There was a lot said this weekend and some of it very confusing to me. I would love some insight if anyone can provide it.

1. Twice this weekend she told me she is not having an affair. She said she is not spending time with, sleeping with or even kissing anyone else. I think I believe her bc She has not been going out very often. Only once this last week. She didn't come home until 4:45 am but it wouldn't be unusually for her to go to her girlfriends, have some drinks, sleep a bit before coming home. I know she is still talking to OM and did spend the night with him at least once about 4 weeks ago. I'm inclined to believe there isn't a PA but I'm pretty sure there is still a EA.

2. In a rant she said that kicking her out of the MBR has made her uncomfortable. That whenever the boys sleep over (they're my stepsons) S14 is sleeping on the floor and that whoever I'm getting advice from doesn't know her bc this has made her hate me and makes her believe I do not want to be M. I told her there are plenty of beds and she could sleep in the basement or one of the other bedrooms. She said the boys do not want her to. I said "well this is bc of your choices. I'm creating boundaries for myself. I do not want a divorce. I am not the one leaving the marriage so I'm not leaving the house or the martial bedroom. She is leaving the M so she can leave the house too."
I hope this boundary is still a good strategy.

3. In the same rant she said I need to stop going to the gym so often, putting on my cologne to go out and clean the house. My question is how often should I be going out? I do help around the house but my W is a cleaning machine. How do I balance giving her space, being around enough to show I want to stay in the M, detaching, GAL-ing, showing tough love, not being a jerk for not helping with the cleaning? Or....do I make a statement like this "honoring your cleaning request, being around for dinner and family time, not going out or to the gym every night are things a H would do. When you start acting like my W I'll start treating you as my W." ?

4. Why would she say "I spent over an hour with my IC and by saying this I am not trying in any way to reconcile. I am not sleeping with anyone!!!! But honestly, I don't care what you think. If it makes you feel better about yourself, think whatever you want about me." ?
Is it bc her IC is telling her she should R? Is she being nice to me, not fighting to get back in the MBR and being so emphatic about not having an affair bc she believes I might be seeing someone and she's afraid to push me further away? She's afraid she's losing me?
5. I feel like I'm making progress with the detaching and setting boundaries. I feel I'm pushing her away but periodically reminding her that I do not want a divorce, I want and believe we can have a very healthy M. Should I stop reminding her that I do not want this divorce? Does making statements like that hurt my detaching efforts? Should I continue detaching at my current pace? Is it too intensive or not intensive enough?