Quote: It seems when the spouse sets their mind to something; it gets done, whether it will solve their issues or not.
I think "solving the issues" becomes much less important than not dealing with the emotions, at least it seems that way in my sitch.
We've actually had hours of discussion about the actual M issues we had... and they've been a moot point for a long time. We were on the same page pretty quickly about them once we discussed them and got the assumptions and communication cleared up.
This is why bringing those things up now just made me angry. Because those things haven't been the issue in a long time... and H knows it. The A and all that goes with it has been the elephant in the room that H isn't addressing except to justify, then call it a mistake, then justify it again... I'm close to the end of my rope with that one.
Quote: Wish we had the answers and wish we knew why we keep holding on to someone who left us a long time ago?
I don't have any answers either. BUT I can answer the second part for myself. My H as he put it "left, but never really left". And he's asked me to let him into his M and my life again at least half-dozen times in the past several months. And I have no doubt it's the right thing to do or that we can have a great M if we decided to commit to that. We both have a great deal of attachment to each other still, even with the walls.
Should he, in the end, decide to scrap our M permanently and not rebuild it, I will have no regrets. I will have full peace that I did everything I could do to save my M and that I did everything I could do to show H the value and importance I place on our M and on my H as a person in my life.
If he walks away forever, he won't walk away doubting my feelings for him... which is the initial reason he gave for leaving. For me, this is important not just to my M or to H, but helps my own healing going forward tremendously.
