AD

[sandi2]

Okay, without more information about the MR, I am hesitant to write a lot. What did your W tell you? Does she want a divorce? What are her reasons, or did she give you any? Most will say, "I love you, but I'm not in-love with you". What changes, if any, have you seen in her?

My H has the same bad habits as you. I have been so frustrated I could literally pull my hair out. Nothing in our house gets finished that he starts. He even buys things that are never taken out of the package. He has good intentions, at the time he starts something, but he just doesn't see it through to the end. He's a good man. He's very kind and has a gentle nature. He thinks before he speaks, and sometimes that causes him to appear a little slower thinking than a person who is impatient, impulsive, quick tongued, and doesn't think things through as well as they should (like me). Until just a few years ago, I did not know he had ADD. One night, we were watching a commercial on that very topic. He said, "That describes the way I've been since I was five years old". I was shocked! He had never said anything about how his thoughts about and couldn't focus on things. He had never seen anyone about it, b/c he thought it was just the way he was. It broke my heart to think of the ways he must have suffered when he was growing up. Now, one of our grandchildren has the same problem, and it is pretty bad. He never finishes anything he starts!

I don't mean to sound as if I'm diagnosing you. I said all of that to tell you that you are not alone. Have you ever seen anyone about the possibility of you having attention deficit? It is not just in children, b/c adults have it also. There is medication one can take to help you stayed more focused and at task, if that were to be the case.

On the other hand, if it is due to really bad habits, then there is only one thing to fix it.....and you know what that is, right?

Change the dynamics, I thought I was but now don't believe I accomplished anything. Seem to be back to square one and just not sure of direction to go.

Can you share with us what you did to change the dynamics?

Today for example I brought up the R even tho I knew I shouldn't and got exactly what I knew was coming. Just a steel cold stare. I told her it was not what I wanted and she just looked at me and said you said this was the only way you would stay. I don't know I don't remember ever saying that. All I ever said is I don't want a divorce and she agreed saying that we would stay married for the finances kids and house. That was 6 months ago and nothing seems to have moved since.

So are you doubting yourself or your W? Do you forget things you have said?

How do you change the dynamics or do 180's when the whole R has
been across the board? I have the worst habits of not finishing
anything but trying to do everything. I always cooked but then stopped so much in the 3 years leading up to the BD, same with the yard and the house. Now when I go back to those it looks fake but I need to do them. Just don't know which way to go.

I'm not sure what you mean. Are you saying that in order to change the dynamics that you need to cook, do the yardwork, and more of the housework? Why does it seem fake?

I really want to help. Just need more information about how things have been in the relationship.

There is a lot of information on the Internet about dynamics in a relationship. I hope you will research how this plays out in a M.

Changing the dynamics does NOT mean you act like her unpaid employee, or do all that work to win brownie points with her. You said it needed to be done. Why? What do you mean? Does she do any of it?

Who would you say wears the pants the M?