It's tough alright.I followed your old thread.Maybe you should put a summary her for others.It helps people advise.
I have no real advice at this stage but I wish you luck.
I would say start on your side of things or rather restart on your side of things first. You change, then being/acting different is what changes dynamics.
I feel your frustration and know how demotivating it can be when you seem to not be making progress. It is slow...... too slow but it did take a long time to get to where ye are too.
All the best
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together