Quote: I don't know if anyone knows why the push so hard other than they are unsure of what to do and are scared to try again thinking that this will cure it.
Hi Seattle! Thanks for the hugs. I think what you said here is really true. I know too that I've given my H reasons to be scared. Just didn't have the right tools in place myself to set a consistent DB vibe then.
Quote: You have said many times to others to remain patient, so maybe try this relaxed accepting attitude with him on the website and see how that goes.
I will. We talked briefly last night about web site files and I sent them off with a jaunty little note.
Quote: Are you a hot little blondie now?
Oh yeah!
I hope things are going OK with you... sounded like some positive friendly stuff was going on!
Thanks Azure for those words! I'm so relieved to hear all my navel-gazing is helpful to someone other than me!
Quote: You have bounced back from this latest in a way that is so impressive to me, with the balance you've found between detaching, caring for yourself and growing, and still DBing with your H.
Could use a little more detachment... but I am working on it.
Quote: It strikes me many times that he could be SUCH a lucky man, if he would stop getting in his own way!!
Wow. My C said the same thing about H "getting in his own way" -- that is his exact phrase, Counselor Azure.
I think we could both be lucky. I certainly wouldn't be fighting for someone who I didn't believe was worth all that.
I see a lot of growth here on the BB! And you are one of them! Awesome stuff!
Quote: I know that OW is a misguided attempt to deal with his emotional pain-- like the addiction that feels good, then makes him feel like sh*% when reality hits, then starts the cycle of going back to it trying to feel good again. And I know it's hard for him to really deal with that.
I'm sorry that he has to deal with all of this, really, because in my heart I know that H is a wonderful guy who's in a lot of pain. But I know he has to deal with it and that I can't.
Gee, sounds like I could say those words! My H reconnecting between Oct-end of Dec. And then he backed way off. His att. calling him seemed to make him run back into the tunnel and into OW's arms. H peaks out a little once in a while. No expectations! They say one thing, mean another and we think that they say things to test us.
But, you are handling this all well! I'm very proud of you!
A little levity for a Monday. Thanks guys. No... doesn't involve thongs or even a belly ring. Oh well, will have to work on that for next time.
In the meantime, just plain old introspection.
No word from H since Sat. eve. when he volunteered that he was heading to our mutual friend's house for the evening. I did, however, spill coffee all over my new sweater while checking out a very attractive commuter this morning. Embarrassed to say. But hey, I can look, right. Just apparently can't look, drive and drink coffee at the same time.
Deb, thanks so much for the uplifting post. "Growth or death," as my yoga teacher says. A bit dramatic, but it works.
That IS funny! Our coffee-stained gal...I would have pegged you as someone who could do all those things at once, given your multi-tasking talent at DBing and keeping your PMA up and brainstorming new biz ideas at the same time. It's definitely harder than than chewing gum and walking!
I was with my friend on Saturday and I was practicing being flirty, hard when my PMA is down, but one thing was so funny. I beamed at this guy going by on a bike, and he lifted his eyebrows really high and smiled and almost lost his balance. LOL! (and that was without a thong, tatoo, or belly ring).
Weird on your H's continued silence, although he accepted the files from you and I'm sure you will be talking to him soon. That seems like a good sign, he didn't tell you to do it yourself. Also...would it be inappropriate to ask the mutual friends for an update?
Quote: Also...would it be inappropriate to ask the mutual friends for an update?
He is H's old friend from HS and we get along well. He has occasionally given me his own opinion, though never revealed his conversations with H. Nor would I ever ask.
(This is the same friend that helped me buy the monitor and who answered my phone and surprised H. Same friend called me on Friday, actually, but I didn't know that until today.)
That is so funny about the bike! He would have crashed completely if there were a thong or belly ring involved.
I'm not surprised about H's silence. He can be like that. His cave has well-broken-in furniture.
Hey Wonder ~ It seems there was quite a bit of introsepction going on this weekend while I was out turning a year older!!!
Don't you just love coming here to work through some of the crazy thoughts in your head?? Sometimes I am driving to work (NOT ogling men.........LOL) and I think about what my next post will be when I get home. This place really centers me!!
I think you summed up your own sitch on Azure's therad...this is about your H NOT you!!
The advice on "getting a life"....no this doean't mean to get your belly button pierced...is very good!!
(((((WONDER)))))
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Just poppin in to say hi! I have my belly button pierced and i just love it, not that many other people see it as i'm height challeged (for some reason midrift tops just aren't on me!), not tatts, but was planning one for my birthday, oh, and i'm irish also!
Have you ever seen the movie 'Field of Dreams'? I like the line 'If you build it, they will come', i think that you can sort of work this into your dbing. Like, if your happy, confident, funny etc people want to be around you. Even if you have to fake those things at first! Not that i think you have too!
I think you just have to take a back sit and watch what your H does. I wouldn't 'help' towards this D, just do what you have to, when you have to.
This is where it is so easy to get frustrated!! It's almost like he was making sure you still cared, before filing, inorder to bring you back into the game and for him to have a measure of control.
I think that it may be how you have reacted to the whole D thing that may have him thrown at this time. I'm sure he expected the tears and begging etc. I know and you know that this isn't what you want, but he!! if he wants it so badly, let him do the work to get it and then give it to him. I guess this might be the only way he can see if this is what he really wants.
