I appreciate your response to that longwinded post of mine!
You're right, of course, that it seems all I can do is focus on all the cool and amazing things happening in my life and not think too much about my H. There are a lot of great things happening and I have wonderfully supportive friends and family.
It is hard, especially because "I have to do this" comes after "I have no intentions of doing this." and ML and spending time together. And because he wants me in his life... just not the M?
Maybe I really want to understand what it is about our M that is so awful that H would rather give up so much in his life (and say he is losing so much) than repair it -- esp. if he wants to keep me in his life. It's not like I am negative to him or have given him any reason that I know of to think I would not put where we are in the past or hold it over him or make him grovel in any way-- he's seen that. Even my family is supportive of our reconciliation (though his M is putting on heavy pressure to get the D-- cause it's thinking too much about recommitting his M that is surely what is making him depressed!).
I guess I'm just so surprised and yes, hurt, by his change of plans and his unwillingness to let me in on what's really going on here.
