Not sure this is good DBing, but I called H back after he was out of work because I had a feeling that I may not have been as clear as I wanted to be about the papers. I told him I wasn't trying to be difficult and hoped I hadn't implied that, that perhaps I had misunderstood the process. (He was going through McD's drive-thru, so I jokingly reminded him to check for onions on his no onion #3).
He said he understood I wasn't being difficult and did I want him to check? I said I would take care of it, and he could check as well if he liked.
I asked if he was comfortable that a D was the right decision. He said yes. I said, OK. I added that I might be more comfortable if we had discussed why he felt that way. H: Silence.
I also asked whether he'd given any thought to the kind of R, if any, that we might have after D. H said quietly that was up to me. I pointed out that it was really up to both of us, not just about me, and that I really didn't know how he felt about it.
H said: "If you want to have an R with me, we can have one, that's why I say it's up to you." I said I had been giving that some thought and hadn't decided anything but that it helps to know how he feels.
Me: Would H be comfortable with a R? H: I guess we'd just have to see how it goes.
Then we briefly mentioned sending web files over to him and he said he needed to eat his sandwich, was very hungry, so was going to hang up. And then we said goodbye.
OK, million dollar question this week is... if my H wants me in his life, why does he want to push this D through with no MC, not even a conversation about why that is based on the present?
I'm pretty sure my behaviors have changed dramatically--something he's validated-- and I'm pretty sure that we've had endless conversations about our misconceptions and miscommunications and how fixable all those things are. We've actually fixed many of them even though we aren't living together. (what the he!! is OWs pull here?)
To me, a D is saying, my life is better without you in it. What is a D saying to H? Obviously not the same thing.
