Still riding the waves

[mleigh4]

LouR, Hawho, Sotto.....thank you so much for your kind words and opinions. It's exactly what I wanted and NEEDED to hear.

I have been praying for guidance these last few days. I am new to praying, I never really was in touch with that spirituality until I hit my rock bottom with my sitch last year and had an amazing experience that brought me a peace and calm I will never forget. Since then, my prayers for guidance have always been answered. It's amazing, how once you are able to stop all the noise in your head, and just listen, all the answers are there. Between your advice, reading an old thread and what happened today, I have my answer.

BTW, the post I ran across was by Reaching Higher, dated 12/28/12. She posted a quote from, I think Happy Days?, that explained how his wife dealt with his MLC and how doing that helped to bring him back. I felt I was literally reading so much about myself and how I have been handling my H, and I realized I need to just keep on this road. Please look it up and read it. Very inspiring!!

I think the best thing to do is keep living and planning around S and I. H is either there or he isn't. It doesn't matter, we must keep moving forward. For 8 months I have been a friend to him, have kept my mouth shut about R, and have given him his space. With no sign of OW, with him somewhat progressing closer....why would I want to muddy up that path? I am happy, aside from my marriage....S and I are thriving...aside from my impatience, there really is no reason for me to mess this up. If he was to continue moving closer as he has, I can continue to know this is his own doing. With no pressure or threats made by me. That would be the ONLY way I would want it. I am digging and digging, patience shovel in hand.

Today S decided he wanted to go to a tarantula festival at a nearby state park with his buddy. Knowing it was H day with S, I TM him last night to let him know, to make sure he did not have other plans, and to ask if he wanted to take him, or I could and then drop him off after. Never got any response.

This morning S and I got ready and planned on meeting with his buddies and mom. Still no word from H. About an hour and a half before meet up time, I TM him again asking if he got my message and adding that I didn't want to intrude on his day with S, but really wanted to check this tarantula thing out. He replied and apologized, said he did not see message, that it was no problem and asked what time we were going.

I told him noon, that we were all driving together in my truck, if he wanted, I could stop by on way, drop off dog and if he wanted to come there was room. (Again, I only offered because it is HIS day with S)

He said he was going to Costco, that he would pick up dog. Asked me if I needed anything.

I was confused, so I asked him, does that mean you want me to drop off S after?

He replied maybe he could meet us after Costco, then asked if I was going to be there.

That really threw me off. SPIN CYCLE RED ALERT!!!

So I kindly replied, yes I would be there.

He asked what time we were going.

I AGAIN told him noon.

He asked if he could call when he was ready to meet us there. I said sure.

As soon as we got there, he TM asking how long we would be there. I told him we just got there, and had no idea. An hour and a half later, as we were leaving, he TM saying he could head there. I told him we were leaving and asked if I should head over to drop off S. He said he never picked up dog and would meet us at my house.

He was here when we got home, came down to the garage. I asked what I owed him for the chicken from Costco, he said shoot, I forgot it at home, will give you tomorrow.

We talked about the tarantula festival, we saw 2 when apparently they are rare to see running around. I told him he missed out, was fun. He went on to talk about how he is still trying to fix his phone, fighting with Verizon to upgrade early, made me think that may have been what he was doing today.

Let's see....phone.....son....phone....son....Costco......MLC alright!

As they were getting in H truck, I handed H the birthday gift for the birthday party S had the next day. H looked at me shocked and confused and said, I am taking him?? I said it's at 1, normally you still have him at that time. He said, but you know them better, you should go, I don't want to. I told him, you only need to drop him off, I will pick him up.

Anyway, H was quite the hot mess today and yes, was another sign to me that trying to have a rational conversation about what is happening between us would be a complete waste of time. I think I got plenty of guidance on this one!