Six to Nine

[mahhhty]

Its been a thought provoking couple of months to say the least.

X's kidney disease has been on my mind. I always thought that I would donate my kidney to her. Now I am torn between going to get tested or waiting to see if the kids come down with the disease and donating to them (which is more appropriate).

She still mostly only communicates when something is required from her perspective. Lately I think her lack of communication, remorse and caring (or reaching out) on any level has bothered me more than usual. This is her busy time at work as well, and as such she has lost significant time with the kids. My relationship with them has never been stronger. Money has been tight. But I am figuring it out. Also, a week ago she started posting to Facebook again. I checked it out and saw that most if not all of our pictures from over the years are still there. I find it somewhat shocking. For the most part I do not reach out. I do not provide her any information. I look my best. I am happy, light and adapt to the situation. I am the rock for my kids and blow off anything and everything to spend more time with them. I will be finishing the letter in the next week and then I'll reach out to her about delivery.

I was pretty disinterested in posting tonight, but that does feel good to get it out.