It's been 3 months since the bomb drop. We've been living in separate rooms in the house since then. Getting along fairly well. At first she was very indifferent to me, would barely give me the time of day. Now she is mostly friendly to me. (I think it has something to do with my 27 year old son got on her case and told her to stop being so mean to me, thank you son!) who really knows? But really, you needed your son to fight your battles for you here? And you are pleased that she is willing to be "friendly" to you out of some sort of obligation?
Anyway, I've been using my new communications skills, listening intently... I've done everything I can to do my 180s, Act-as-ifs, haven't been so good on the Get a Life, because inside I'm just depressed and going out actually makes me more depressed.... i don't know...but I worry that if you are depressed, it isn't as hard as you think it may be to tell it looking in. Yes, GAL is hard and uncomfortable and sometimes a little sad at first. But it's one of the MOST important aspects of the DB process. I believe that your self-worth is still so tied up in your marriage. By doing the GAL "thing", you learn how to survive and how to THRIVE without your W there to hold your hand.
Anyway, she has bought a house and now she is moving out. There are boxes everywhere... she's on the phone with the electric company... and in a week I'll be alone in this big house for a week at a time (then a week with the younger boys). this is bringing me down. way down. yeah. This [censored]. Not much you can do about. But sitting around staring at the boxes feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help anything. Get out and do something for you.
I'm trying to tell myself that she was never going to come back until she moved out to see if the grass is greener. so this is a necessary step before she can ever come back. am i fooling myself? I am physically nauseous. I just can't act-as-if when I feel this crappy inside. who knows what she might need to turn around. From what I can gather, she needs to experience the "fall" to understand what she is really giving up. She has to leave the nest and really discover that she doesn't like it out in the real world. She may or she may not. That said, on your end, you have hot to stop waiting to see what she is going to do. You are giving her WAY too much power over you.
I look out the window and see couples holding hands.... Everything seems depressing.
I don't even know why I'm posting here. i know you felt "beat up" the last time you posted here. A lot of people with far more experience than I have we're fairly blunt. I believe you are posting here because you know that they were right. You tried your own version of DBing, and it didn't help you or your situation.
I'm grasping at straws... Is there anything encouraging anyone can tell me? Do some women actually ever come back after they move out? sure. But they aren't going to come back to someone that is moping around the big empty house. They aren't going to come back to the same marriage that they were already in.
She just informed me she's taking the (younger) kids out to a movie and I said I want to come. Any chance to be together before she moves out, I will grab. Better than sitting at home and crying. And I will act-as-if, especially when the kids are around. so she's doing all of this to you, and you're interested in last gasp movies where you may get to sit near her and gaze longingly towards her? Where is your sense of self here? I get it. I was there. And I got the same words I'm giving you now.
But this is so hard. It's been three months and I don't feel any better. And the next few weeks/months are going to be even worse. Poo. weve all been there. It is hard. It does suck. In fact, it [censored] a LOT. but sitting around and saying "it's hard" and "it [censored]" isn't going to get you anywhere. It's time to ACTUALLY start detaching. It's time to start living for YOU. THAT is what will make you feel better.
You can do it. It's going to be hard either way. Why not use this gift of time for good?
