OK... H called last night when I was out with friends and left a VM that he had a few things he wanted to talk about. I called him back today after I finished up some projects I needed to focus on. Very upbeat-- I've had a great day (incl. a possible new project for my new business).

He seemed pleased to hear my voice and then asked what's up. Said I was returning his call. So he puts me on hold and then comes back and asks if I plan to return the initial D papers.

I told him-- and I said this all very pleasantly and non-confrontationally-- that I'd given it thought and sought advice and have decided I didn't want to actively participate in the D, that it was his process. (This is about being true to my values-- I am not going to stand in his way, but I'm not going to actively take part in it either-- H said he understood this and seemed fine with my rationale.)

The advice I received was I could just ignore those papers for now and wait for things to go ahead to the next step. H says that he gave me the papers personally to avoid having me served because he "didn't want to put me through that" , but that if I don't return them then I will need to be served so his lawyer can move ahead.

I said we could discuss a settlement or he could have one drawn up and I'd have it looked at and make sure it was what we agreed to and then sign it.

H says-- what kind of settlement? So I said, well, something has to be written down, and H says "I don't want anything." I pointed out that he wants to keep his own stuff, and he says "like what?"

I asked how he was doing. He said "OK." I asked if he'd been up to anything exciting, he said "no". Work, he said had been pretty busy, which was good.

H asked how I was and I said things were going well and H's voice seemed a little surprised, but he said "that's good." Asked how work was, and I said I would know next week when the reorganization plan is announced (my job could be cut or hours cut back). I was upbeat overall, H empathized with the layoff plan.

H asked why I was home early and I told him I had the day off and had conference with the new potential client and it had gone well. H was silent.

H says we should close our joint accounts. I asked that he keep open the checking as it how he reimburses me for health insurance costs. H suggested he'd check out whether he could just credit my acct. directly so we can close the accounts.

H seems like he is on the fast track here-- pushing everything forward pretty fast.

H brought up returning papers again-- as if we had not just had this exact conversation. H said he didn't see any point in me being served, and I agreed if I needed to return them, then I would do that-- that perhaps I'd misunderstood or gotten bad advice.

I asked why he'd chosen to give papers to me at my birthday. He did not seem to see this timing as bad at all and said there is never a good time. Then he said he was sorry for the bad timing but it wasn't my actual birthday. Just defended and justified.

I said (also calmly and not emotionally at all-- Azure, I think your light helped me here!) that I had just come from celebrating with coworkers and we had been moving in another direction entirely and had just spent his birthday together, so that it had really surprised me, was very unexpected. H: Silence.

H said he felt he had to do it and there is nothing he can say to me that will make me feel good about it. I responded that I was interested in why he made the choice, not my feelings about it, and mentioned that he had said he wanted me to understand his decision but then had not offered any explanation. H: More silence.

I asked if he felt better now that he had given me the papers, if it helped him (he kind of alluded to this when he gave them to me).

At this point, he says-- "I'm at work". Now, I did not realize he was at work-- usually we would not have this conversation while he was at work. So I said I didn't realize that, why don't I let you go.

He says "Ok, talk to you later." (standard sign-off).

H did not acknowledge my text or e-card. H seemed very focused on D and slightly interested in what I am up to, but also sounded like he expected me to be broken and miserable.

Hmmm. I'm probably in the wrong forum now...

wonder