Need advice for a WW who left Part 4

[dwh15]

You make it fine until she pops into the house and doesn't try to take your head off.

The time you had that three hour conversation, saying it was fun, almost slammed you back down. I don't think a person should do this to themselves when at this critical self-survival stage. Maybe one day you can, but while she is wayward, and you are still vulnerable to her physical looks and feeling the love for her........bringing up old times, hanging out, and having a three hour nice conversation is havoc on the LBS. Things have not changed. Every time you are tempted to get pulled in, tell yourself "things have not changed".

I know she was very sick, so I don't hold the last few days against her, and thought it was nice she wanted to take them out.

You thought it was nice of their own mother to take out her kids for an hour and half........after not seeing them for several days?

Look how your brain starts jumping the tracks as soon as she acts just a little civil.

. I almost asked if I could come along to lunch, but thought better of it and bit my tongue. I didn't want to intrude on her time with the boys, and I realize it's not a good idea to set the kids up with false expectations about how things are going to be from now on.

For crying out loud, DWH! What were you thinking? Things have not changed. She has not changed.

So I felt a little depressed for a few minutes, especially with the house being empty. But I put on some music, got to doing some housework, and eventually snapped out of it. WW dropped the boys off 90 minutes later, and didn't bother coming in again. Probably the last time I'll see her for another week or two. I'm doing a lot better at rebounding from the emotional swings, but still hard sometimes. Friends who have been through divorce told me it will probably be another year before I really start to feel totally normal again. Ugh. But it is much easier than before, so I'll keep chugging along.

That's great! At least you took action to force yourself out of that depressed stage. Just imagine how far back it would have set you, if you had asked to join her?

It may, or may not, take as long as it took your friends. I hope it won't.

I admire a man who takes full custody of two children with special needs. It says something about the kind of person you are.

You are going to make it. You will be okay, DWH. ((hugs))

Sandi, I'm always honored when you take the time to post to my thread. The 3-hour conversation wasn't really planned. I honestly figured it would be an hour tops, and strictly business. Just sort of slipped into more, and in hindsight, it was probably the plan of WW all along to try and get me to agree to her demands. You're 100% right that it was and is a terrible idea and I payed the price for about 2 days after - hard lesson learned.

When I mentioned I thought it was nice of her to take them to lunch, I know she was still feeling pretty under the weather, and doesn't have much money but she spent $25 and didn't ask me for a cent. I found out after that OM gave her the money, and it bothered me for a minute, but then I'm like, well he better get used to reaching in his pocket. WW is still doing her best to avoid working more than a day or two per week and seems to be slowly getting OM to foot the bill for her lifestyle. Better him than me. Anyway, I get your point. I still slip into trying to defend her sometimes; guess I could have looked at it more like it was nice of me to let her have unscheduled time with the boys. I know they really were missing her and starting to feel down about it, so let's just say I'm glad it happened.

I took the kids to a movie this afternoon so we got our own time out of the house as well. I'm doing my best as a single dad, and really getting into a routine. I know I'm going to be fine, but it's easy to start feeling sorry for yourself or lonely. Coming home and reading this reply helped snap me out of it again. Looking forward to the day I don't get impacted by the weight of it all. Seven months doesn't seem like long on a calendar but feels like it's been this way for years. I really hope WW doesn't remain in her wayward state forever, but I realize there are no certainties.

Now, time to get on with my night. Pity party over. Thanks again Sandi.