Still Struggling with a plan!

[Painter]

25, I think you may have the impression that I spend a lot of my time snooping on H. That is not the case at all, and I thought I made that clear in my posts where I said (twice) that I have landed on the thought that this is not something I can control, because he can always just get another e-mail account, phone, etc. It is not something I consider a big issue in my life at this time.

However, feelings of distrust and doubt come up at times, and I expect them to for a while longer. You can't rebuild trust in just a few months, and I'm not expecting to. I was expressing empathy with HopeOK (and I apologize for this hijacking of her thread!) and told her what my experiences in that area have been.

I don't think that H lying to me reflects poorly on me in the least, but I obviously won't continue to work to repair a M if he's in a secret R with OW again. Wouldn't anyone want to know the truth instead of being lied to?

Originally, I found out about the A because H was sloppy with some documentation. Even then, I let it go until a letter came in the mail that I couldn't ignore. I then returned to the documentation and started researching. H only admitted to the A after I confronted him with the evidence and dates. Having this knowledge *greatly changed the dynamics of the situation in my favor*.

There are very respected MCs who support finding out all the facts you need to know what you're dealing with, whatever it takes to get it. It is a debated issue among some, but I think every person has to do what they are comfortable with.