Back on these forums again

[Mona52]

Hi Ancaire, Thanks for stopping by.

I really wish my old threads were still on this forum, it would clear up my confusing sit

Long story short, when I first met my H, I was one of 3 women, in a department of 266 employees. It was work on a printing press and I was 20. I did not realize I was taking a job very few women did, but I did the job well and rose to assistant pressman quickly. So at the time, I was very strong and independent. I was also fun and carefree, and surrounded by men all day! (Gosh I miss it sometimes...)

Then we married and the kids came and I quit and stayed home with the kids. So I had no job, and he left me and moved to a different state with OW. They had a child.

I found this site the first night he left, and it was so hard, but I DB'ed for almost 3 years and he came back. That was about 8 years ago. Since then, there was a fire and the Divorce Buster's servers were fried and all my treads went up in smoke

In 2012, I knew we were on the rocks again, because I found inappropriate text messages and pictures to his online friends. I came back here, but did not really post. That is why it says I registered in 2012

During the journey, I grew tremendously. Seriously, I can't imagine a time in my life where I will not be GAL and trying new things. But over the last few years, the more I moved forward,the further back he slid. I spend an hour with the kids, he spends 2 hours less with the kids. I earn $100 bux extra this week, he earns 200 bux less and spends $100.

It seemed no matter how hard I worked, he worked that much less so we never moved forward as a family. I work at a university, so he could go to college free for a BS if he wanted to. He kept saying he wanted to because his job was not giving him enough hours, and it was murder on his body and he was getting older. Year after year went by and he kept saying he was gonna try and did nothing.

Then he received a very large check. He promised me he would take care of some very important bills. He spent every penny, and went negative in our joint bank account. And he never told me he did not pay the bills, and one was to the IRS of course... I would not have cared of he did not pay the bills, that is not what cut me. What gave me the most pain was that he made a promise to me, and never lifted a finger to keep the promise. And it was not even important enough in his eyes to tell me.

He kept making promises, to me and the kids and over and over he would break them. And he knew he was breaking them, and it did not seem to matter.

To answer your question, I have no idea if he knows why I asked him to leave. He probably thinks it is about money...

I know he was happy when I did something good, but I also know, in the back of his mind, it made him feel smaller. And I was clueless on how to change that. So I stopped telling him when I did something good. But it didn't always work.

The kids would ask a question about their math homework, and without using my fingers, I gave them the answer. He did not even understand the question...

I know that made him feel bad. I tried to avoid this happening by helping the kids with homework in my bedroom, while he was in the kitchen, but then he complained that I called him stupid. I have never called him stupid, ever.

I do not know how, but I became the source of his shortcomings. My resentment that he refused to just TRY ANYTHING grew. He would stay up all night wit his online friends, come to bed at 5:30 am, and I got up at 6:00 am to get them ready for school.

I felt like I tried everything to make things better. Finally last November, I had enough. I was done with the M. Since then I have been building walls between me and him and mentally preparing for the day I leave or he leaves.

Finally I asked him to leave. And I am in terrible pain over my decision. I want him back more than I want air most days. But it is really only the marriage fantasy I want. It still hurts like h3ll though.