RD, I wouldn't be so sure the redecorating means nothing. Maybe it's her way of trying to feel more connected. Or maybe it truly means nothing.
Have you ever asked her what it would take for her to come home? At this point I don't really see that it would do any harm, especially not if you made it clear that you had a list of non-negotiables as well. It might be that she expresses she'd love to come back and was just waiting for you to ask. It might be that she's not willing to do what it takes according to your boundaries. It might be that you aren't willing because the hurts too deep. But it would be an interesting conversation, don't you think?
Obviously, you are not in the right place to make holiday decisions yet. Sleep on that. For a couple weeks.
