I would like add my thoughts to what you have seen:
H starts MLC due to age, fear of mortality and yes, childhood issues have come bubbling up. (Please keep in mind that age for MLC can vary. It's not necessarily a key to MLC.) Something flipped the switch 18-24 months before the bomb dropped. His crisis is his to own.
As for problems in the marriage, that wouldn't be actually sets the crisis in motion. No marriage is perfect and I'm sure that if there were some problems, Sotto has owned her half. Again, his crisis is his to own completely. He's broken and he thinks he needs to find the illusive happiness before he's old and dies. Unfortunately that illusive happiness is within.
Sotto, yes, like a toddler, he's afraid that he going to lose you. He doesn't want you, but yet he wants to know that you are right where he left you when he entered his crisis. Sotto, you have risen from the ashes just like a Phoenix. Don't allow his behaviors to pull you back into the dark pit. Live your life to the fullest and if he should ever wake up and want to reconcile, then he's got a lot of work to do to earn your trust, love, etc. back again. Ultimately, you will be the one to decide whether or not you want to try again...but that's a long way down the road.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
