Still riding the waves

[Sotto]

Hi Mleigh, it sounds as though you have had some sage advice already. I do understand where you are coming from and holidays tend to bring everything into sharper focus too - both for us and the MLCer I think. I agree that if you initiate that kind of convo with your H - telling him how you feel about things - it may not go well.

I agree that the answer you may get would be based on 'how I feel right now' and not reflective of the overall picture. And those answers as HaWho said, can lead to a paper shredder moment that is not easily erased.

Much better I think is to act 'as if' you were no longer together and make fun and nourishing plans for you and your S, with family and friends. Of course time with his Dad would be included in them, but 'family' time doesn't need to be. And if your H expresses concern about that, you can consider whether you are willing to build in a 'family' event, given all circumstances.

In my life now, I tend to initiate lots of stuff - but all the initiation is to do with my own life. I have pretty much stopped initiating anything in respect of H. I just leave him to it. With him, I only respond. He raises a request, I respond. His L emails mine, I respond. He texts me, I respond. Nothing is initiated by me.

Anyway, I hope this helps and good luck with whatever you decide. I think you are doing so well with your situation and I'm sure you'll have a great holiday season whatever you do decide.

xx