So I sent my wife an email 3 days ago where I opened up to her. I shared with my deepest emotional problem. I told her how i was neglected when i was little boy and how that is affecting the way I am parenting and the way it has affected our marriage because i am not there for emotionally. I told her i have surrendered to Jesus Christ. I have gave him all my worries and sins and advised her to do the same. I have become closer to Jesus and God in this stage of my life. It's shame it had to get to this point to where i finally talk to Jesus. I offered my wife the house and told her i would leave the house since i still need to fix my deep emotional problems. I didnt get an answer from her email. Today her cousing txt me asking me how I was. (shes the only one that sees how she has treated me and how unfair she is being with me right now) I asked her to txt my wife how she was doing and how was she feeling. Maybe reconsidering her decision or anything. This is what her cousing told me she said "so she just said shes sressed and has anxiety from everything and is taking medication, as for reconsidering she doesnt seem to want to , shes already spoken to the lawyer that the shelter provided, shes just getting all anxious "the closer the date gets" thats what she said and that you pulled the jesus card before.
I have read the rules. All these 2 1/2 weeks that i last communicated with her i have txt or emailed her. I have left it alone and kept myself busy. I was suppose to meet with a lawyer this past monday in order to file for legal separation because she wont let me see my daughters yet. ( and i dont find that right) On monday i came across an email of this christian counselor we attended 4 months ago at a retreat. I decided to email him and told him about my problems. He urged me to see his counselor and immediately called. The counselor told me she only went by appointment and luckily someone had canceled the 4pm appointment. I had a 3pm appointment with my lawyer. I prayed and asked Jesus to help me and choose the correct decision. I decided to head to the counselor. After talking she immediately digested my emotional problem that was causing the marriage to fall apart. I was never there emotionally for my wife and daughters , i never got involved i was alwasy quiet. Why? Well because when i was a little boy i was always neglected by my single mom, i was never shown love, i was never given family time. How can i give that when i never received it when i was a child? Tears powered down my face when i told her everything. I had completely blacked out those memories until that day. And i couldnt believe that was the problem that was affecting me now in the future. The counselor advised me to write a long letter to her apologizing to her and telling her how wonderful jesus is, explaining and opening to her just like i did to her about my past, something she nver knew. I didnt tell her i loved her or that i missed her or anything. I was just an open book and i told her to accept Jesus Christ as her savior and let him carry our worries , fears and anxiety.
well my WAW still hasnt come back. It's been over 3 weeks since she last left. I still havent heard from my 2 small daughters since she wont let me see them. She is till living in a womens shelter and hasnt gotten a job yet. I just want to see my little girls. Ive been crying all day today.
It is possible that some of us find it difficult to give you advice because you seem to be set on doing things in a way that is not in accordance with the DB principles. It's not easy to follow them 100% or understand them right away, but you have to put in the work.
Are you following other posters here? That is useful and really necessary.
I'm very sorry to hear that you felt you had to choose between seeing the L and a religious counselor. I hope you rescheduled with the L so you can get access to your daughters.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Do you guys think it would be a good idea if i send her a txt like this
" Can you please allow me to see my daughters since it's been 3 weeks now. Put yourself in my shoes and im sure you would go crazy if you didnt hear about your daughters. I really dont want to get a L involved since that would mean i would be fighting for custody 100% since you live in a shelter and i live in a safe home. CPS can get involved and can make the situation worse. So please stop being selfish and look past the issue and allow me to see my girls who need me too and im pretty sure they are asking for me. Thanks"
The letter sound like a bunch of threats to me. The last thing you need to do is threaten her. If you insist on writing her it should not include any consequences if she does not comply.
Honestly Angel, it does not sound like you are ready for her to come home. You need to understand this situation better. You need to understand yourself. I have read a lot about how she has contributed to this situation but not much about how you have. What are you doing right now to fix yourself, to make yourself a better husband and father? Accept the faults within yourself and improve yourself. She will see these improvements over time. This is how you get her back--free will, not through consequences.
As far as the safety of the children, if she is in a womens shelter, the children are probably fine. Those places are designed to help women and their children. I do not think the situation is ideal for the kids. However, I dont think it is dangerous either. I understand how hard it is to be away from your kids, especially against your will. This will pass, it has been a short time in the grand scheme of things.
If you truely want to get the authorities involved, dont write the letter, just call the authorities. My suggestion to you is to think long and hard befor doing this. What is in the best interest of the children. Can you really meet their needs if you are working all the time? Will they be able to handle being away from their mother?
Good luck!
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
Can you please allow me to see my daughters since it's been 3 weeks now. This sounds both angry and weak. Like you need to beg her for table scraps. Put yourself in my shoes and im sure you would go crazy if you didnt hear about your daughters. Why do you think that she cares at ALL about how you are feeling right now? I really dont want to get a L involved since that would mean i would be fighting for custody 100% since you live in a shelter and i live in a safe home. Do this....or else....Im not kidding this time....I mean it... what makes you think the shelter isnt safe? This is threatening and judgmental. CPS can get involved and can make the situation worse. For who, exactly? Are you SURE they will take your side? YOU stalked HER. Regardless of intention, that will likely get twisted back on you... So please stop being selfish and look past the issue and allow me to see my girls Do you think telling her she is being selfish is going to stop her from being selfish? who need me too and im pretty sure they are asking for me youre "pretty sure"?.... Thanks No, I would not send that text. It will not help your cause. It will not cause her to change her mind.
SHE ALREADY HAD THOUGHT ALL OF THIS OUT WHEN SHE LEFT.
THIS WAS NOT A SUDDEN DECISION.
You need to catch up. Begging and pleading and threatening and talking are not going to do anything. It is time for action.
Last edited by Cadet; 10/05/1501:41 PM. Reason: Color blue added
