Update after a long time

[AJM]

Hi Shodan. I read your thread here and saw your post on Cali's thread.

Something that seems it needs to be said. You do not seem to be fully engaged in YOU at this point. What you noted about not taking care of you as things were closer between the two of you, seems to be indicative of that.

It seems to me that the balance of control will be in her favor if you don't do the work on you. That's not a good thing for a leader of a family nor as her partner. The balance of power can't be uneven like that. What I saw was that her anger at what she heard caused her to withdraw and almost seemed like a punishment to you. I may be misreading that, but that's not a healthy way for things to be.

One of the things you may notice in Cali's thread is how he want from accepting of those unhealthy behaviors in the past to not accepting it. He teaches his spouse how to treat him and accepts no less. I think that makes him more attractive to her, because it's honest and forthright and strong in nature. It's not malicious, but firm in standing up for himself, what he believes and what he needs.

In long-term relationships, we as humans have a tendency to make compromises as a way to keep the "balance". After a while, those add up and we come to realize how unbalanced things have become. It almost feels like she is begging you to take a stronger stance for yourself. It doesn't happen overnight, but don't get to a point where you have twisted and bent so much you can't recognize yourself. You always have you with you

You might do well to re-read those areas and see if any of that applies to you and your situation.

Best of luck!

AJ