I have been slowly pulling back, but still allowing H in as he pleases. Yes, time for a change.
When I moved back home, there were big blow ups and threats of divorce. By the time H moved out 8 months later, divorce was no longer mentioned, and the discussions had changed to him just needing some time and space to figure himself out. He was hoping to miss us and home, he needed to be on his own.
I had agreed and supported him on that decision. So I worry, is it like a punishment to take away family time from him, and holidays? That confuses me. I really go back and forth with that a lot. I have been telling myself to give his move out a full year, then go from there. IDK,
I think when the holiday plans come up, first I will see what plans are in his mind. If it is to be together, I will take that time to express where I am at, because I matter too. It would be something like....
"I truly enjoy spending holidays together, but I am having a hard time doing that when in reality we are living separate lives. It's almost like we are in denial and not facing what is happening to us over time, and that is not working well for me. I still believe in us and respect you need your space, but I also have needs and a big one is for our son and I to live and love as a full family. Not a part time family. I want us to experience that and can't settle for less. Our lack of communication about our situation is wearing on me, and time spent together is followed by sadness and confusion for me."
Something to that effect. All true and deep in my heart. I feel this is another step in doing everything I can. No ultimatums, no pressure other than my need for some communication. Based on what he says, I believe I will know what feels right and will go from there.
I have 2 months to sit and ponder all that, not even going to think about Christmas yet. If we do decide to do Thanksgiving separate, I plan a big breakfast with S, he can do his regular Thursday night with dad, then I will prepare a Thanksgiving feast for S and I on Friday. Sounds wonderful! and very fair to me.
This weekend, S goes with H. I am going to go set up an appt for the carpet and get that done! I have some more cleaning to do and some serious packing and moving of things in the rooms to prepare for the carpet. I want to go to party store and start getting prepared for our Fall/Halloween party. And get some downtime in there too somewhere!
