H was never violent or abusive physically or sexually. nor had anger issues. I have never been afraid of H that way. I think it was mostly driven by sexual frustration and him being influenced by alcohol was another factor. But of corse, the fact is that he disrespected me greatly.
I will see SIL tonight. I think I will tell her about OW. I know I can trust her as she has always been supportive of me with issues regarding H. I just need to talk to someone. I'm not sure if there is anyone H would listen to at this point, so I will hold off bringing someone else to talk to him just now. I will talk to SIL about that too if she thinks maybe FIL is a good candidate. FIL had issues with alcohol long time ago according to MIL. Both H and SIL did not remember him that way though.
After that I might have a chance to talk to H. This morning H totally ignored me. I don't know how he is going to be tonight. Aside from being abusive towards me, I'm upset about him being not dependable when it comes to kids now. Kids shouldn't have to wonder where their dad is, they shouldn't worry about if their dad is going to show up as he is supposed to. D3 tells me she loves me so much so many times everyday lately. It breaks my heart thinking about her motivation to do that, maybe she is trying to comfort me (though I rarely show how sad I am to them) or she is afraid being abandoned.
Am I being too nice? I guess I'm being really bad at boundaries and how to communicate/enforce them. How can I earn his respect without arguing or being hostile when I have to convey something he wouldn't like?
