Back on these forums again

[Mona52]

Gearing up for a busy weekend. S has a soccer game extremely early tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, there is a hurricane moving up the coast. We do not live close enough that we are in any kind of danger, but we will get hit with a ton of rain. And the temp dropped low this last week. Ugh...

Good news is I stepped on the scale this morning and I am still on track with a slow and steady weight loss. Since I ditched the ciggs, I am now able to take longer and longer walks. It is great, because it feels good, and the university I work on, and walk around is beautiful. But the down side is I have nothing to keep my mind occupied during my walks, so my mind stays firmly on my H and my M during every single walk.

Struggling to force my mind elsewhere has failed completely, and made me feel like a failure because I could not do it. So I allow myself to think about what ever I want to, with no regrets. I just promise myself that I will never act on any wild and crazy ideas my mind comes up with on a walk.

He is taking the kids to the movies after the soccer game. I have no idea if he will show up at the game, but I am guessing he will not be there. (I have a sexy outfit that really shows my weight loss just in case of course).

I want to try to upgrade a server in a way I have never attempted before, so I am going to work a little overtime while they are out. I am really excited.

If he asks me to tag along to the movies with them I can honestly say I already have plans I have not actually seen him in a while. Just phone calls and text messages. And I would like to keep it that way for now.

He did something extremely thoughtful yesterday, that almost made me cry. Actually, he did it about a week and a half ago, and I only found out he did it for me yesterday. It is weird because a week and a half ago, he was not even speaking to me.

When he does nice things, it sends me in a tailspin. It is easy to be mad and keep my distance when he is being a jerk. But when he is being nice, the walls begin to crumble. I got about an hour of sleep last night. I replayed everything he did that drove me to the point of making him leave. His one nice gesture is nothing compared to all the hurt and rejection I went through, so this morning I was able to break free from my tailspin.

I have been falling behind on my school these past few weeks. I am not beating myself up over it, but I have to get back on track. So I signed up for extra classwork this weekend. So as soon as I am done with my upgrade, I am going to dive in head first and work flat out all day Saturday and Sunday. I am going to do it here on campus, and not at home so I cannot become distracted by R drama.

There is a TV show D15 used to watch with H. They have not seen it for a while, and a few episodes have piled up. I have plans to give them tomorrow after the movie to squeeze in a binge marathon, and I will stay away while they do this. I have gifts I will give my D to give to him to make the time even more special.

The only TV we have is in our bedroom, so he will have to join her there to watch it. There are a few dads on the show that talk about how much their family means to them (it is sort of a reality competition show). The dads say how they could not do what they are doing without the support of their wife and kids.

It is not a lot of dads saying this, just a few sprinkled in here and there, and I am sure this will hit him.

My name was published in a book this past week, and my quote about the book is on the back cover. I just got a copy yesterday and was super excited. No one but you guys know. I have a very hard time telling people close to me about my accomplishments. I feel like I am bragging. When I got my BS in computer science, I never even went to graduation. My H was the one who told my M and I have no idea if the rest of the family knows I earned a degree and I am almost done with my master's.

It does not really feel like bragging here because we are all supposed to GAL and accomplish the impossible. And I am super glad I can say some of my accomplishments here, because the only person in the world I used to share things with is H and I cant tell him anything anymore.