Ghost, detaching is hard. I thought I had detached but then found myself back at square one, and now working on it again. It is very hard.
What helps me to detach is that I think of the most outrageous things H has said or done to me. When I think about some of these things it becomes very obvious to me that this is not about me, it is all about him, and unfortunately some of these things he has said are so pathetic that it makes my stomach turn and then I am able to detach. It helps me to depersonalize what he is saying. I think for me that is one key to detaching, but it is still focusing on him, so that is probably why my periods of detaching don't last long.
So I am looking for a way to turn my attention to myself in combination with observing H in a depersonalized manner. My GAL activities haven't done that for me, they keep me busy so I am not obsessing over H, but have not helped me with detachment.
Posting here helps. Playing with my children helps. Maybe because these are outlets for the emotional connection I am seeking that H is not available to provide right now. I tried flirting with an old boyfriend and I can tell you that if I kept that up that would have helped me detach! But would have lead me down a path I wasn't looking for. Probably why our spouse's are detached if you think about it. They found a connection elsewhere.
You are hard on yourself Ghost. We all struggle with this, you will get it eventually. If I figure it out I will give you some tips.
