BT, I agree with Painter. This morning, you came to a realization that so many of us struggle with. H cannot hear you right now; however, now that you know that, you will stop trying to be heard. THAT takes some pressure (unspoken, but alive) off your H. It is a HUGE step in detachment. You may find your counseling begins to take a turn for the better!
H will actually begin to feel that you're stepping back from him. When the spouse senses the pressure is off, the R dynamics begin to change. I wouldn't cancel the counseling at all. I'd go back with my brand new attitude and see what happens.
My situation didn't begin to change until I no longer pinned any hope on reconciliation. I still don't, but I'm willing to go to counseling to see what other changes are in store now that I'm fine either way. Best case scenario? We manage to work out our problems and build a new marriage. Worst case scenario, we continue with the divorce. I'm going to be fine either way at this point...but, what if?
I'm willing to go because of the "what if".
You've just arrived at one of the most important realizations a LBS can grasp. Your entire attitude is going to change. It's worth continuing counseling at this point just to observe the changes in your relationship dynamics now that the pressure is off to have him hear you. If positive changes occurs, you can address your need to be heard later, once you guys are on solid ground, if that is what happens.
