We seem to be on a similar path although you are farther down the road. Sotto recommended that I read your update...great advice from her. I struggle with all of the same issues. My W needs space...before her A and now even more. But, like you, I read into a lot of what is happening. One day things are great, she is intimate and affection. The next day, she seems distant. Still friendly but like a cloud is over her. If the A had not happened, none of this would be an issue. As many have stated, in a lot of happy marriages the H and W spend time alone doing their own thing. Frankly, it makes their time together more interesting.
But due to the A, like you, I am always wondering. Is she quiet b/c the OM called her? Is she quiet b/c she is rethinking about us? I know I should not read into these situations and should just live my life. Piecing is so much harder than after BD. People were right and I just laughed at them. I am not laughing now.
I will stay close to your thread and see what I can do to help in anyway. Please feel to do the same with mine (in extramarital affairs).
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
