Not feeling valuable is one issue that DB addresses quite effectively! Your self-esteem builds as you meet goals, learn new things, and survive yet another day. As you begin building more confidence, you're able to look at yourself and say, "Hey! I am a person of worth! H has lost his mind putting me in 2nd place. I will not allow myself to be in this position again. I'm worth more, and I deserve more."
Keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward, never backward. The past is done. Do not let yourself get stuck there. There's nothing there for you. The present and future are where you have the ability to affect positive changes.
It's so very hard to move forward with a broken heart, but look at you! You're doing it! Keep setting small goals that you can reach. Build your confidence. You will get stronger and stronger.
I had a thought about your H that wasn't very nice, honestly. I believe the reason he is attempting to manipulate you, even through a computer, is to make sure you stay right where he left you. What if things don't work out with OW? Well then, he's got you, doesn't he? Are you willing to be his back-up plan?
Most of us LBS, if we were honest with ourselves, would probably say, "yes!" How sad for us. Seriously. If we place so little value on ourselves, is it any surprise our WS do the same?
You are in a tough spot, but you're doing it. Be patient with yourself as you go forward. You will get stronger. The day will come when you realize you are worth far more than some poor broken OW who has no problem helping herself to another's H. Would YOU do that? My guess is "never"! Realize you are already worth far more than you realize. You have standards, morals, and a great personal code. You are already worth more than she. Realize that, embrace that reality, and build from there.
In the meantime, we will be here to help. I think my fellow DB'ers are pretty awesome people. We are all so blessed to have such great support.
