Working through it

[EMMess]

Good morning Family,

I feel so weak, weak in mind, and spirit. I allowed myself to snoop again only to find things that I didn't like, I allowed myself to confront her and this led to a very nasty fight. She has cut me off from all social media, says that she hates me. She thinks that I do this because I am egotistical and want to hurt her. I will be honest, I feel lost right now. I don't know why I allow my emotions to get the best of me? why do I feel the need to control her when she is moving on with her life?

I feel so ashame and disgusted with myself for my actions and how I have led my situation get to this point. They say that things will get much worst before they get better, but wow, I don't know how I will make it out of this.

I allowed my jealousy to get the best of me. She looked so happy to get rid of me and that hurt a lot.

I know that I only have myself to blame for my actions, and that I can only control myself in all of this. I have now created a situation in which my kids will probably feel the distance between her and I.

I have taken 10 steps back with this, after I moved a few steps forward.

Please excuse the writing if it isn't cohesive, I am just writing my feelings and thoughts in the order in which they are coming to me.

It is time that I really work on not doing more of the same, work on my 180s. This [censored] very much. I hate the fact that I have caused so much damaged and have taken such a leap backwards.