You've been handling the situation quite well...but I think there have been times when you have been too readily available to him. He can't miss you or what you had if you are there for him. He's got it made in the sense that he's got his place and yet, he can do all sorts of family stuff when he wants to w/you and your son. Maybe it's time to pull back just a bit and leave him be.
As for the holidays, they are coming up fast. Maybe you need to think about doing something different, i.e., not having him be a part of them for a change. Plan your Thanksgiving around you and your son and w/Christmas, plan to have your h come over later in the day or if he comes for gift opening, don't invite him to dinner. It's time to shake things up just a bit.
I think you are getting a bit frustrated about the way things have been going and sometimes, when something doesn't work, you need to try something different. I do not think you'll get a straight answer from your h if you were to ask him about where he's at right now w/the relationship. You may not get the answer that you want to hear, i.e., for example, "I don't know, I like things the way they are, etc.".
Continue to focus on you and your son and plan to do things w/your son. It's okay to invite him once in a blue moon to participate in these activities w/you and your son...but he's not going to miss you or the relationship as long as he continues to be involved in a large majority of the activities.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
