I know EXACTLY my problem and that is my W is still at home we are arround each other quite a lot of the time we still do plenty together today it was lunch at a small itialien two days ago we watched a movie on,TV ....we watch Tv box sets together several nights a week we do a family day out most weekends with the kids she cooks for me and the kids as I do for her and the kids I do my share of the house work
The problem is NOT that your W is still at home. The problem is you. You are in-house separation, but you are continuing as nothing is different. What is your payoff? I can see hers, but what is yours?
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I do not want to distance myself from my wife pull away .....stop doing this -^^^^^ But if I don't then BOMB DATE TWO WILL HIT and I have no idea how I will cope with this
The problem is......you don't wanna. You are afraid and co-dependent. You continue to say it's too hard. DBing isn't about what you want to do. It's not about taking the road that feels easier.
I really can sympathize about losing your father. I was 41 when I lost my dad, and nothing was ever the same again. He was a man's man. He was a part of the Greatest Generation......and he was my hero. Even as I write, I am emotional about him. How much your recent loss of your father and the fear of losing your W could be linked, IDK. I don't know if you have always had racing thoughts and continued to spin around, going over the same old stuff again and again. IMO, you need to seek another professional to help you get control of this issue.
It's okay to vent your frustrations, fears, and concerns on the board. Just personally speaking, I feel you are getting the same advice over & over, but you won't do it. So, it's like being on a merry-go-round. You are stuck, spinning around and getting nowhere.
It's odd. I have noticed many H's, much like you, give good advice to others. But, applying it to your own situation is very hard.
You are not helpless, Ghost. Stop being your own worst enemy.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
